It's begining to look a lot like.....desperation

Hello friends! I hope you all have a wonderful Holiday. Silas and I traveled to Ohio and enjoyed some time with friends and family. We played laser tag and I fought teenagers for my freedom from a fake castle...so I guess you could call it a successful trip. 

I told them I was 30. They released me immediately. 

I started my next round of Clomid while we were away and today is the last dosage. I started feeling symptoms yesterday while decorating our Christmas tree. Mostly hot-flashes and a bit of dizziness which of course made me just so enjoyable to be around. The symptoms are a huge pain, but hopefully it means that ovulation will come when expected. So when is ovulation expected?

Ok so I have some idea...but it's really not specific....

My fertility monitor is showing high readings (as in ...I am already in my fertility window) but my apps disagree.

Period Tracker(PT)- Shows Fertility Window from December 1 - December 7. Peak Day December 6th.

Ovia- Shows Fertility Window from December 4 - December 9. No Peak Day.

So this makes me unhappy. I tend to agree with PT based on when I conceived last time but it's odd that the monitor is already giving high readings. I know that Ovia takes your symptoms into account when calculating your window. So I am a bit at a loss here. It looks like I better keep testing on the Monitor and plan on a window that lasts from now to December 9th.

 (Husband's reaction) 

You know what I hate hearing? "Practice makes perfect!" or "This is the fun part!" Here is a little insider tip....scheduled, planned, scientific and time-sensitive BDing (Baby Dancing...you're welcome) is not fun. Don't get me wrong, it's not like a trip to the dentist, but there is an added expectation and pressure that makes things more difficult.

So think of me the next time you BD on a Sunday afternoon just because the mode strikes you....actually....on second thought...please don't....

It's awkward again...

So Happy December everyone...next month will make 2 years of trying to make a baby. So fingers crossed that I am not on the naughty list. I am pretty sure that Santa know exactly what I want for Christmas.  In the meantime I will occupy myself between now and the 21 day test with decorating, baking, and treating my dog like he's our child. 

Who needs Sears Photo Center? Just humiliate your dog at home!

Vacation Won...hands down!

Yup, we were those people. You're Welcome. 

Ok so, Vacation was amazing. Really just one of the best times of my life. I threw the rules out the window and enjoyed every single moment. Did I want a giant cup of coffee every day? Yes, and I had one. Did I partake in every aspect of the Food and Wine Festival? You bet your bottom dollar I did. The first day, between travel and activities, Silas and I were up for about 25 hours. We did nap on the plane and about 30 minutes before dinner. 

"25 HOURS?!", you say. Believe me, it was not intentional. We planned on checking into an airport hotel because we had a 5AM flight. We thought we would get atleast 5 hours of sleep before the Festival which ended at 4AM.... Well...

Yah, that's a fire truck.  

So after we learned that someone burned a bag of popcorn (WHAT IS THIS, COLLEGE?!), we finally got back to our room to get a glorious 3 hours of sleep.  So, remember back at the last entry when I thought my schedule would be fine? After all, it wasn't like I left the time zone....WELL HA HA HA to past me. 

I totally screwed up my ovulation schedule. 

Well actually, to be more specific, I have absolutely no idea when or if I ovulated. Fertility Monitors (which I did bring! I had such good intentions), force you to test within the same window every day. The consistency of these tests is what helps to pin down that 12 - 24 hours window, so it's important. Well, I blew it. I missed a day to travel, and then the day after that because I slept until 9AM. (give me a break I was up until 3:30 AM!) I tried to test on the third day but it was too late to pin point ovulation. It is likely that I did ovulate in that 3 day window but I have no proof. 

"Well at least you have your 21 Day Progesterone test," you tell me gleefully! Guys, I am sorry to say that I missed that too...

So just a tidbit of advice for anyone who's test day falls on a Saturday. Very few testing place (I use LabCorp) are open and many are fully booked. With a CD 21 day test you can wait a day to CD 22. But that was Sunday and labs are closed. So, I missed that too. 

So Vacation absolutely won this one. BUT LOOK HOW PRETTY....

So I did a HPT test at 10DPO, but unfortunately I don't have a "Disney Baby". I know that's kind of early to test because it's possible that I ovulated late. Late ovulation is very unusual for me AND we had roommates so the timeline wouldn't add up. Sadly, no baby this month.

I did learn some imporatnt things. One being that it's ok to let some of this tracking and testing go. I know I had way more fun in Disney than I would have testing and fussing everyday. The other was this solid piece of advice from a Disney Bus. 

So we are back in the groove at home. Waiting on CD 1 so that we can begin the whole process again. This will be my third round of fertility treatment after my miscarriage. It is safe to say that I am very very antsy at this stage. My goal was to be pregnant by Christmas, but now I think February is a more realistic goal. February is also when our baby would have been born so it would be nice to have some good news around that time. 

So sit tight and we will start this whole Circus over again. In the meantime you can check out my dog casting some serious shade....

This is his "You left me here and now you want to snuggle? I think not." face. What a sas-monster.

Ovulation verse Vacation...who will win?

So recently I've been thinking about my "5 year plan". The professional aspects of my life are in a  state of flux, so I am evaluating things. What I've discovered is this: It is incredibly hard to imagine your future when you are blinded by infertility. I recently saw an "article" on buzzfeed that offered many different views on infertility. Some I can relate to (like the photo above), but I was amazed at all the different ways that infertility effects lives.

Feel free to check it out here: http://www.buzzfeed.com/morganshanahan/confessions-from-women-who-are-perfectly-happy-with-their#.tgoEGpDj3

So as I've been trying to evaluate my life and my plans, the truth is the only thing I really want is to be a Mom. So professional life, I am sorry, but for now you are on the back burner. My job is stable and I do enjoy it, so why mess with a good thing?

So here is what I have been focusing on instead...
-Clomid on CD 5-9 (and now all the fun side effects ....HOT FLASHES)
-Cutting Caffeine in take (::whimpers::)
-Enjoying little moments with family and friends
-Savoring glasses of white wine
-Snuggling my dog and treating him like my fur-baby
-Oh yah....and.......

WOOOOOO! It is the most wonderful place in the world...I don't care if you don't agree. This is my happy place. I will cry at the Magic Kingdom's firework show Wishes (cause I always do, with or without hormone treatments), I will enjoy amazing food and adult beverages, and I will scream WEEEE on every single ride. If you are pregnant and in Disney World....SUCKS FOR YOU ....HAHAHAHAHA. Ok, that was mean.  But for real. Pregnancy does kills the fun-factor. 

So yes, this trip is pretty perfectly timed in terms of enjoyment. However, there is the little issue of ovulation. As you know, I use two different apps and a fertility monitor to track ovulation. Period Tracker estimates that I will ovulate of Saturday. Ovia is guessing Monday. The fertility monitor shows I am 3 days into my fertile window but no spike yet. (it's also a day ahead...it's really CD 14).

So why is this an issue (other than the fact that these don't really match up)? Well it's a two fold problem. The first problem is that we are sharing a room with another couple so....yah.... that's troublesome....

The second problem is that Travel can change your cycle. "Your menstrual cycle and ovulation are controlled by a specific balance of hormones that your body gets used to, and any changes in this balance can result in a shift in ovulation date. Travel, particularly under stressful circumstances or over different time zones, has been known to interfere with the timing of ovulation, which can make it more difficult to identify your fertile window. It is not the literal, physical traveling that can affect ovulation, but rather all of the stressors and environment changes that are a part of it." (Source: Ovuline) 

Ok so I realize that a two hour flight within your time zone is, as the kids say, NBD. However, my flight leaves at 5 AM so I will be up at 2 AM. That night I am going to the Food and Wine Finish Line Party (jealous?) which ends at 4AM. So we are planning some very important naps. I am a bit worried that these changes may push back my ovulation...but maybe not as worried as my roommate should be...hahahah. Sorry, it got awkward again...

Anyway, that's what's up this month! I am hoping to have more blood-work on CD 21 to test out progesterone levels. If they are high enough to support pregnancy then I will hold my breath for a week and use a HPT. If it's positive I will have something to be super thankful for this Thanksgiving. If not, then on to December. I know what's at the top of my Christmas list....

Until then, I have some very magical stars to wish on  :)