Archer's Birth Story - Part 2

So I realize that Archer is now 2 and I left everyone wondering what the heck happened after Part 1 of his Birth story. Perhaps you thought that I was still recovering, maybe I simply blocked it out,  or maybe I had to keep a baby alive so my life was no longer my own. These assumption are all anchored in truth to be sure.

A weird thing happens on your child's Birthday. You find yourself recanting the story to your friends and family. Some get all the gruesome details and others just funny little comments like "This time two years ago I was having a needle jammed into my spine." You know how you reminisce? Anyway Archer's 2nd Birthday inspired me to finish his official Birth Story and to maybe go back to taking a little time away to crack myself up picking out memes for this silly little blog.

 

Ok! So I left you right when the Doctor told me that I'd be having a baby right around Dinner time... Was I ready? No. Was I terrified? Yes. Did I call my mom and try not to cry? You bet.

So after the doctor tells me that I will be moving into a Birthing room ....A BIRTHING ROOM....friends, I didn't know I was having contractions and I am being transferred to A BIRTHING ROOM. Then they ask me if I want an epidural before they break the rest of my water. Like WHAT?! This is all happening so fast....

Oh right. PAUSE. You have been warned. I am going full detail here. If that makes you uncomfortable....I get it...LOOK AWAY. 

So why the Birthing room right away? Since I could not pinpoint when my water started leaking...I think probably Friday....they needed to induce labor to get things moving for the safety of the baby. I was 4cm when they moved me to the Birthing Room. The waters protect the baby not just from banging around inside your body but also from infection and bacteria. Due to these risks they want to minimize the time-frame and start me on antibiotics. So I was hooked up to an IV and stuck in that bed for the duration.

I am then wrapped in several adult diapers and the doctor appears with what looks like a crochet hook. Friends- I must tell you that the movies got this part right. Once they broke my water I was stunned by how much fluid was in there. I can not imagine if that had happened in public or even in my home...that would absolutely DESTROY a car seat.

So... why would they want to give me an epidural so soon after arriving and before they even broke my waters? Because induction is no joke and apparently not all anesthesiologists are created equal. (FORESHADOWING)

So now the bags are brought in from the car, I am all settled into my room, mom and dad are updated, and my sister should be arriving in a few hours to help coach. No rush right? WRONG

So I was officially moved to the Birthing Room at about 10, they broke my water, and by noon I am really feeling those contractions. (Thanks petocine!) I've made it to 6cm and I am stuck in the bed with an IV. I am starting to get uncomfortable and my sister should be arriving around 2. Around 1pm I cave and ask for an Epidural.

I was never delusional about my pain tolerance. I am what you might call....a big ol wimp. I always knew an epidural was in my future. What I did not know is that it would hands-down be the worst part of this experience. So after this MONSTER arrived to stick a needle in my back .... you know what no... let me break this down ....

This dude (That's right Doctor...you've been demoted to "dude') entered the room and doesn’t even talk to me. He asked the nurse “ has she watched the video?”. I answer him, “no, but I took the birthing class here and signed the waiver already”. He looks at the nurse like she betrayed him. He brings me another waiver and has me sign again while telling me what I will need to do. So I pull myself up and wrap my whole body around my terrified husband who is armed with a tarp. This MONSTER ( did I mention he’s a monster?) Tried THREE TIMES while I was screaming in pain and trying to tell him which side I was feeling it on before declaring that I shouldn’t have been induced because my contractions are too close together. He cuts the petocine and COMPLETELY STARTS OVER. By this time my sister is waiting to be let it and I am a shell of a human with snot pouring down my face while nurses are rubbing cool cloths over my face.

He finally decides that this fourth time higher up on my back is good enough and I finally get some relief....sort of. My sister is let in just in time for my stomach to start rolling. Turns out I do not respond well to paid medication. They give me something to keep my breakfast where it is and I get a chance to chat and order some last minute items on Amazon.

So we are chatting about names and making a list of all the things at the house that aren't ready and somehow I magically jump from  6cm to 10cm in a VERY short period of time. So short that I refuse to hit the call button. Sidenote: only one side of my body was affected by the Epidural so I was really starting to wiggle and I just wanted to walk around. At this time my sister is reaching over my wiggling form to push the call button because I refused to be a huge wimp.

With a great eye roll the nurse agrees to check me when I tell her I feel like I might be ready to push. She then says very calmly "I'll just get the doctor". As she is turning the corner she SPRINTS. My sister turns to us and whispers "oh my god, she just RAN."

A few seconds later my lovely OB SLAMS down on a stool which rolls half way across the room while pulling booties on over her shoes.

and then....Terror hits me. I have forgotten everything I learned in my birthing class. They send my sister to stand by my head as not to scar her for the rest of her life and my husband is told to grab a leg. A nurse wrestles with the other.

Sure enough, it is time to push push push...More to come in PART 3!

Archer's Birth Story - Part 1

I realize that I am writing most of these posts in hindsight and like any event that has passed some details fade and things start to get a little rosey. I will try to keep this as true to the facts as I can. Of course there will be some mushy-gushy lovey-dovey moments but there are also some moments that I hope fade into that rosey glow...

So August has arrived and I am no longer sleeping. The nesting instinct is so strong that I beg my husband to hang a shelf at 10:30 on a week night. Camp should be declining into those lazy hot end of summer days but instead things seem to be operating at "All Systems GO". After a particularly long week my Friday was filled with drama and discomfort. At the end of the day I plop down in a chair by my also-super-pregnant friend and jokingly say, "I hope this baby comes this weekend so that all this discomfort is for a reason."

Well JOKES ON ME.

Let's back up a bit and get to the gross details. (You've been warned)

My 8 months check up was super easy. Had a swab that was a bit intimate but hey they need to run some tests to make sure you don't pass anything icky on to your baby on their way out. At this point that area was pretty much old news for everybody so I wasn't too phased by it. Anywho the only comment that had me thinking "wow I'm getting close" was that it seemed like the baby was out of room. I have an extremely short mid section and baby had no where else to really go. My OB wished me restful nights and sent me on my way with a "see you in two weeks!". She was wrong....

Fast forward a week and....(Gross part shield your eyes!)....I lose my mucus plug. CUE INSANE GOOGLE SEARCHING.

So what I found was that it is very common to lose and doesn't really mean too much. Although, I did have a friend who told me that it only took 3 days from plug to labor. So I figured I had anywhere from 3 days to 4 weeks until baby arrived.

Two days later on that horrible Friday, I went to a party at my sister's house. I nibbled and lounged but couldn't get comfortable. I was constantly flushed and sticky. (which is not really unusual for a pregnant lady in August) So as the party nears its end I ask her if I can take a shower because I am gross. LADIES AND GENTS...I truly believe that shower was the start of my labor. I stood under the warm water and swayed to stay comfortable. I then put of a pair of borrowed basketball shorts, stayed for about an hour, and went home to pretend to sleep. Since I was feeling funny I put down a bed liner and did my best to relax.

Later that night I got up to use the restroom and (Gross part again!) I get a warm little trickle. I think "Damn it! Now I am going to pee a little every time I get up" WRONG...but I didn't know that yet.

Saturday was relaxed and I made sure my bags were packed and ready by the door just in case the advice my friend gave me about the plug is true. That night we watched a movie and I went to bed. The first time I got up...warm little trickle. Second time I get up...warm little trickle. Third time around 8AM...bigger trickle...made it to the floor....hummmmmmmmmm

So at this point I am not sure if I am peeing myself or if my water broke. I have a friend who told me that when your water breaks you will know it because it is not subtle. So I hop in the shower and think I'm fine. No contractions, no worries. I dry off, take two steps out of the bathroom, anddddddd trickle.

 I tell my husband that I could be leaking fluid and he's all "wait, what?"

CUE GOOGLE! (What did we do before google? seriously....)

So I learned from Dr.Google that amniotic fluid smells like almonds and should be clear. And now you know what I did with the next trickle....Sure enough.. it smells like almonds. But Google is not a real doctor so I call my OB. They are very kind and joke about how it's my first. I play it off like "oh yes, silly me, it probably pee." Anywho they want to run a quick test. They tell me to come into the hospital (NO RUSH...they actually said NO RUSH).  So ok cool, I'll eat breakfast. We let the dog out and text the family that I am going in for a test. Grab a coffee on the way and listen to some music. (In hindsight...this is a huge blessing. We were calm, collected, and relaxed.)

The OB told me to enter the hospital through the ER instead of coming right up to Maternity. So I think man....this is totally pee and I am an idiot. I of course did some googling and found that it is rare to leak amniotic fluid and is much more likely for your water to break. (which, side note, is also kind of rare. Usually they break it in the hospital) At this point I am preparing myself to be super embarrassed when they run a test and have to tell me that I'm just peeing myself.

So we enter through the ER and check in. Maybe two seconds later a man with a wheel chair arrived and he Speed-Racers me up to Maternity......cue butterflies. This is the exact moment where I thought "Omg what if I am having a baby?" which was immediately followed by "Omg what if I made this man push me all they way up here because I'm peeing myself."

So they take me to triage. I get super lucky and my regular OB is scheduled so I get to see a friendly face who might not judge me too much for my incontinence. Anyway she asks me a million questions one of which was "are you having contractions" to which I replied "nope". They then strapped on the monitor and sure enough...contractions were happening. NEWS TO ME. If those were contracts, I think I was having them since that shower on Friday night.

So the doctor takes a swab and leaves. Nurse tells me we will have an answer is a matter of minutes. So while I am chatting away with hubby who cant believe we are hear because I peed on the floor, I am preparing for extreme embarrassment.

In comes doctor. She sits down smiles and says. "So you're having a baby today, probably around dinner time"

TBC in Part 2!

Baby Showers, False Labor, and Waddles

So I realize that I it has been many many months since these events were current, but I feel like July was yesterday. I dont want to skip over this last trimester to wrap up with a birthing story...but trust me it is coming!

In the meantime here are some highlights!

BABY SHOWERS:

Ok here is the thing. Everyone likes baby showers. They are a million times better than wedding showers. I had a STUNNING baby shower. My sister, Mom, and BFF planned a wonderful and personalized event. Since I was not part of the planning I can only offer my advice as the guest of honor.

1) Have it early. Meaning dont wait until you are a beached whale. I was the perfect level of pregnant. (7 months) I was clearly showing, but I could still stand and move around with ease. I did wear flats but come-on who wouldn't.

2) Get an outfit that highlights your bump. Just do it. Now is the time to splurge. You want to look at those pictures and think YUP that's what pregnant me looks like!

3) Ask for books. My very smart party planners asked for books instead of cards. I LOVED this idea and have a wonderful time putting together a little baby library.

4) Thank people as you go around the room. If you think writing thank you notes is hard after a wedding wait until you're trying to spell at 7 months pregnant. (I can't even spell on a good day.) Let people know you are thankful now so they will forgive you when your Thank Yous are late.

5) Open all your gifts and make a fuss. Seriously, everyone loves baby stuff. I HATE opening gifts in front of people but I promise opening baby gifts is different. The gift below was custom made by my in-laws. I carried it around to each table because it is stunning. (Yes those a pooh ears...we had a theme!)

FALSE LABOR:

Now my family accused me of being a big ol' Diva for not wanting anyone to travel in the month of July. As you may know peak season for me is the summer so I was very stressed and would often find that I had skipped meals or was on my feet for too long. One day I reached the breaking point and had some super fun contractions. In hindsight these were likely Braxton Hicks contraction but I did need to sit with my feet up and drink lots of water. Once I was able to calm down they went away and I slept for a loooong time.

Here is what they don't tell you. 1) you are going to feel like an idiot calling your OB and descibing a sensation that you've never had and don't know how to describe. The most important thing is the interval between contractions. If they are consistent or even worse getting closer together....it could be go time! Mine were super inconsistent and did eventually fade. 2) They are going to scare the heck out of you. Everyone said that Braxton Hicks contractions don't hurt. I am calling BS right now. 3) You will begin to nest like a mad women afterwards.



WADDLES:

The 8th month of pregnancy is just full of discomfort. You don't really sleep anymore and even eating can be uncomfortable since your stomach is shoved up under your ribs. One of my favorite parts of this stage was that my babe would push his bum out and I could clearly feel his little butt cheeks. I could also make him move when ever I wanted by drinking something cold. Below is the last picture while baby was on the inside. I didn't know it at the time but this was the night I would start labor.

Birthing Classes and the Third Trimester

So I realize that this post is late late late. One thing that I can tell you for certain is that once you hit the third trimester time begins sprinting by. Since my last post there have been some major developments ....and I don't just mean my bulbous mid-section.

Let's hit the highlights! Birthing Class seems like a fun place to start.....


If phrases like "Pelvic Girdle", "Mucus Plug", and "Tearing" send you running for the hills...I suggest reading the next section with a buddy. You know for safety or someone to giggle with...


Anyway Silas and I did a 1-day marathon instead of a multi-week class. I think that the multi-week class is a great idea and if camp wasn't in the way I would have signed up in a heartbeat. Since time is an issue we had to make do with the 1-day class.


So here is the deal. There are all types of people at these classes. I was one of the youngest (Gestational-y) and there were some who I was expecting to pop-out babies right then and there. Based on how miserable these women looked sitting in metal folding chairs for hours on end, I would recommend going earlier.


Now let me tell you about one of my classmates...


Let’s calling him Bubba. Bubba and his partner started off fine. They were a little odd and a little older than most but nothing crazy...except for the socks and sandals. As the class continued the true Bubba began to emerge...

So the class begins and we all introduce ourselves. We start going through the trimesters and honestly even I was a little bored at this point. Well poor old Bubba just didn't give two hoots about the miracle of life so he began to get antsy. Cue smoke break number 1. Now here is the deal. Yes, he went outside to smoke but then he came back inside smelling like an ash tray. This continued every single break (which was often...hello a room full of women who need to pee constantly). He was...well...whatever the opposite of an air freshener is....

So after we go through the stages of pregnancy and cover the grim details of pelvic girdles wobbling and mucus plugs falling out we finally got to BIRTH.


Now at this point Bubba and wife moved to the back of the room. We watched 4 different videos about 4 different women and their 4 very different Birth stories. Now I understand that watching medical procedures isn't for everyone...even Silas was a little squirmy...but Bubba....well Bubba was GREEN.


So now Bubba is muttering and rubbing his head. He is totally grossed out. Finally, he turns his chair away from the screen. Most everyone just ignored his discomfort but things escalated when we got to practicing pain management for natural birth. For those of you who don’t know, this is the part you see in movies. This is the breathing with blankets and pillows on the floor. Your partner is instructed on how to help you focus, but the best part is the massage. Yes this wonderful instructor teaches your partner massage techniques. It was amazing …but not for Bubba. We did eventually switch so that the partners could feel the difference between the different techniques. Well after Bubba pronounced that “this is more like it”, he begins to nod off. 1 hour later Bubba is now full on napping on the blanket and pillow while the rest of us are learning about intervention techniques.  


Oh, and in case you were wondering…yah Bubba snores.


So my summary in a nut shell? The classes can be helpful. I did learn a lot and the hospital tour was informative. If your class has a Bubba all I can say is, I am sorry.

A Sack with a Belt or "Maternity Fashion"

Ok So "Maternity Fashion" is a bit of an Oxymoron. Sure you can spend hours on Pintrest look at stunning pregnant women dressed to the nines but the truth is....it's all a lie!

Fiction (Photo 1)

Reality (Photo 2)

Thank you random internet woman!

Ok but seriously let's dive into Photo 1...You are going to wear your stilettos? Don't be ridiculous. I fall over now when a strong wind blows. My feet swell and I already bought some bigger shoes. Now the black leggings I will say are on-point. Comfort is key. You are also going to want a longer shirt to cover your bum because your are defiantly wearing some "sexy" maternity underwear. Hide those lines ladies! Now the deep cut V-neck (or is it just an unbuttoned button-up? I don't know fashion) ANYWHO. What I do know is that your boobs have taken on a whole new personality. If you are anything like me you ditched the underwire long long ago and opted for something that matches those granny panties...oops mean "sexy" maternity underwear. 

Now lets check out random internet lady in Photo 2. I wont lie...I went through a ton of photos to find this. Here is the thing. Yah sure, I  could find some dumpy looking lady who looks like she just wants to curl up and sleep (and believe me that's how I feel some days!) but this look is the goal if you ask me. Let's break it down. Maternity Jeans...ladies once you go maternity jean you will question everything in your life and never want to go back. I personally opt for "full panel" which means that there is stretch fabric that goes all the way up over your bump. (Time out for a confession)

CONFESSION TIME:

Hi my name is Alyssa, and I have belly envy. No really it's a thing. As a woman of larger proportions my bump is not like you find in the magazines. It is not as...perky. Also my belly button hasn't popped into that tell-tale "Oh man, that lady's not fat, she's pregnant!" look. Believe it or not it makes me very uncomfortable. Now I don't have this but I was very worried I would. There is situation that they call the "B belly". Most pregnant women have a nice round capital D shaped belly. In many plus size women you can actually get a B shaped belly or a double belly. (Which does sound 10X worse than double chin). This was a very real concern of mine in the beginning. I know that is silly and that pregnancy is beautiful in all shapes and sizes, but for me this was a personal challenge that I was really unprepared for. Maybe now that you know you can prepare yourself and not be as self-conscious as I was.

(Ok time in!) So the full panel rounds out and smooths the belly and makes me feel much more comfortable. It also provides some support for your back. (Kind of like a good pair of spanx but actually comfortable). Next let me point out the layers. I go from boiling to freezing in the blink of an eye. My nose also bleeds if I try to tie my shoes...so you maybe opt for some slip-ons. Lastly see how she drew attention to her "waist" AKA smallest part of the body right under the boobs? Once you switch over to those wireless bras you will want this. Just because you are pregnant doesn't mean you don't want a shape. (I know round is a shape but now I am embracing this body in all of its pregnant glory!)

Ok so here are some of my outfits. The first one was what I call the sack with a belt. It's comfortable and belted at the skinny part. It doesn't sound glamorous but it's comfortable and I didn't hate it too much. This was right around 18 weeks when I was still getting used to not fitting into normal cloths. FYI this is a tough stage because people look at you like....hummmmm fat or pregnant?

OK so here is the next one where I could still wear my T shirts but need Maternity pants. As you can see by the inclusion of my face in the picture, I am starting to feel better. I am also wearing a belly band. It turns out, I hate those things. If you have a short torso...forget it. They roll like pantyhose.

BIG MOMENT- The half way point. Can you tell I feel better? Check out that definition at the "waist".

OK so yes, I have more pictures than that but I just wanted you to see the progression and that actual maternity cloths do make a difference. I was very lucky and my mom wanted to take me shopping. You will see lots of articles about how maternity cloths are a "waste of money" because they can be pricey and you only wear them for a short time. My advice is to shop the sales and get essentials- jeans (2), leggings (2), dress pants (3), flats (2), some nice tops (6-8), and sweaters (3-4) to mix and match. Old Navy, Target, and even Amazon have some great deals. (DONT FORGET YOUR 'SEXY' UNDERWEAR AND BRAS). I will say my favorite items are from Motherhood Maternity. Just a word of warning, they sell Motherhood Maternity at Macy's...Macy's coupons and sales do not apply because they are a boutique....learn from my mistake. Just go directly to the online store and shop their sales. Avoid Pea in the Pod. Holy Moley. Their prices are outrageous, the sizes are limited and you will be bullied into making a purchase. That all being said, I felt so much better once I had real maternity cloths. So for me it was 100% worth it.





So that's it that is my crazy rant about Maternity cloths. ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED!? See you next time!

OH! We're half way there! 20 weeks!

Today marks the first day of week 21. According to various apps baby is about the size of a banana. At our 20 weeks ultrasound we were told that baby was measuring a head (which is good!) coming in at about 14 oz.

Our ultrasounds went really well with our little ninja moving like crazy. The tech had a hard time taking pictures so many of our take-home photos are a bit strange. The doctor came in to check out a few things (again because the pictures weren't the best) but she declared that everything was looking good and that we wouldn't need to return to Maternal Fetal Medicine. Basically, this just means that there is no reason to continue as "high risk". They anticipate smooth sailing from here on out.

This is our favorite photo from the appointment. We posted it to my MiL's facebook for her Birthday. You will notice that the lower half of the baby isn't visible. We are still "Team Green" but the medical records show a healthy boy or girl. The trick now is making sure a doctor or nurse doesn't spoil the surprise. You can't believe how many stories I have heard about moms showing up at Labor and Delivery only to have a nurse proudly proclaim "are you ready to meet your little boy/girl?!" whomp whomp... end of surprise...

The 20 week ultrasound or "Anatomy Scan" is about a 45 minute appointment. Make sure you bring your partner! You get to watch your beautiful baby while they count fingers and toes, check the chambers of the heart, and so much more. It is equal parts touching and interesting. I also noticed more distinct kicking and movement after this appointment. I have been told that seeing the movement on the screen at the same time as feeling it in your body teaches your brain to recognize these "sensations" for what they really are. So that's pretty cool. I don't know if it's true or not but I am enjoying these little kicks either way.

In the mean time things seem more and more real. I am starting to feel the crunch to get things done. I have a room to paint, a fan to install, furniture to assemble, and a huge list of things I don't have that I'm pretty sure I need. Which brings me to the next piece....The baby registry...

Ok...if you think registering for a wedding is hard...this is the Olympics of registering. A lot of the products I've never heard of which I usually assume means that they aren't necessary. Then I second guess myself  and think,"but what if I can't be a good mom without this....snot sucker thingy?" Turns out there are a million resources on the internet. However, I find that the best resource is other moms.

Yes, I joined one of those facebook groups. It has about 160 members. They can be a great resource as long as you take things with a grain of salt. I have found that STM (second-time-moms) can be kind of hard on FTM (first-time-moms). Luckily, I have real life mom friends who aren't judgmental so they are certainly the best source. (YAY for friends!)

My very next post will absolutely be about maternity cloths. It is a whole new world my friends! I may never wear real pants again! See you next time!

Second Trimester- Month 4!

Ok So here we are in week 18! I am sorry this post took so long! It turns out weeks 14-17 were really hard. So I didn't really have time or energy to reflect on Month 4 until now. The internet tells you that your symptoms are supposed to ease and you may even regain some of your sex-drive. I am going to call a big old BS on that. I had a horrible time trying to sleep, constant headaches, nausea was back, and, something fun and new, terrible sciatic nerve pain. There was also a week where it felt like someone took a hammer to my hip bones. So I give month 4 two thumbs way way down.


Here is a handy little chart about Sciatic nerve pain. It was so very painful. I actually went for a prenatal massage and watched some videos about stretching. ( I then did the stretches...I didn't just watch a video and wait for magic) The combination of that and sleeping with a pregnancy pillow finally gave me some relief.

Headaches and nausea are trickier since you can really only take Tylenol. Really what I needed was to go home and sleep. I did use a good amount of vacation and sick days.The trick is making sure that you eat the moment you are hungry. I am actually struggling with weight loss right now so eating constantly is now imperative.

Another big milestone for month 4 was a glucose test. As someone who is over weight there is an increased risk of gestational diabetes. As a result us bigger ladies are often asked to take this test twice. Once at the beginning of the 2nd trimester and again at the beginning of the 3rd.

Here is how it works. You drink this horrible sugar water. (pictured below). You have 20 minutes to finish it without getting sick. If you get sick...you get to start over. Then you sit and wait for an hour while you body tries its hardest to deal with the sugar assault. (Mine was orange flavored which is a million times better than lemon lime...believe me if you get lemon lime...ask for orange)

Anyway after the hour your blood is drawn and your insulin levels are checked. Here is a handy chart!

Folks...I am going to tell you that so far my proudest moment in this pregnancy was CRUSHING the test. My sugars came back normal. Hopefully I wont have to test again in the 3rd trimester (yah the results were that good.) BTW where it says "My Scores" is just an example...my results were better.

We also got the results of our genetic testing. (No I don't know the gender...it's a surprise!)  We got great news which is that we are in the lowest percentile for all genetic disorders. So here is to a happy and health baby!

Ok so not a lot happened in this last month but it was really exhausting. I will say that I am official huge. I cant wait for the 20 week anatomy scan, getting the nursery under way, and getting even bigger!