"Progesterone, Motility, and Wands...Oh MY!" (January - February: Part 2)

So the world of infertility can be really confusing. Ms. Gale had is super easy with her BRIGHT YELLOW road, THREE tour guides, and a FAIRY GODMOTHER. Of course she found her way to the wizard. I would be concerned if she hadn't found the wizard.

Well, I am no fairy godmother but hopefully I can explain some of the more confusing parts of these fertility tests.

Let's Start with the men....

Semen Analysis
Ok so the trickiest part about male fertility is that they don't have a "go-to" doctor like an OBGYN. My OBGYN did the order for my husband to have his semen tested, but we had to go through a Reproductive Clinic to do the test. There are some very strict rules about when you can and can't have sex near the date of your test. Make sure you confirm with you doctor. Also, prepare to pay out of pocket for this one. Another really great things is, unlike on Friends, you do not need to produce your sample in the office and risk running into Janice.

Lucky males can actually produce their samples at home in a sterile container and drop them off....no weird encounters needed. The doctor will call you with the results once the sperm has been analyzed for motility, quality, and count. If your doctor is anything like mine she will call and say "everything came back as normal. Hubby is fertile." (and that is the end of the conversation) For your peace of mind, I will tell you that male fertility is often rated as simply Normal or Abnormal.  As long as you fall into the "normal" category there is no treatment for Hubby. Lucky Lucky him....

Ok onto the ladies..... Things are going to much more difficult for you. ( I know you're shocked)

The Ultrasounds:
The purpose of the ultrasound is to make sure all the parts are there and looking healthy. They are basically in search of abnormalities.What you may not know is that there are two different kinds of ultrasounds. The first type is the one you see in TV and Movies. It's the Standard Ultrasound.

Standard Ultrasound...yah this lady is preggers...lucky little...::grumbles::

You will need to drink a specific amount of water in a small time frame so that your bladder is full for the test. (Yes this is uncomfortable, but not painful) The technician squirts a jelly-like lubricant on your abdomen and then rubs a wand-type device against your skin in the pelvic area. This produced a two-dimensional picture. The technician will start clicking tons and tons of pictures and uses a computer program to take measurements of everything. This test is relatively painless unless your bladder is too full! (Then it can be very uncomfortable) The best part is you get to keep most of your dignity.

The second test ( and yes the doctor is going to request both) is the Transvaginal Scan. Ladies, I am going to come right out an say it...leave your dignity at the door. This test is not for the faint of heart. You will be asked to empty your bladder before this test begins because the technician does not want to be in "The Splash Zone". Oh, its about to get graphic ...so....sit down, please. Are you sitting? Good. The test uses a vaginal transducer which is covered in a condom and a gel before it is inserted. ( Did you faint yet?! I'm so sorry! I know, it's horrible.) Fortunately, (or unfortunately?) this test allows the doctor to see lots of detail that they wouldn't see with a Standard Ultrasound. Also, it looks like the graceful neck of a swan. Do not be fooled, there is nothing graceful about this.

  
(:::SHUDDER:::)

The Blood Test

Your doctor may want to test for multiple things. My doctor wanted to test Progesterone and my Thyroid. Progesterone testing is actually monitoring the Follicle-Stimulating Hormone (FSH). FSH is produced by your pituitary gland and controls the menstrual cycle and the  production of eggs by the ovaries. The amount of FSH varies depending on what part of the cycle you are in. This is why they need to test at Day 3 and Day 21. Think of your FSH like phases of the moon.

So if you think back to those ovulation tests they are basically doing the same thing, but a blood test is much more accurate. Women's hormones have an ebb and flow (wink wink) through their cycle. Those Monitors and OPKs are looking for the upward trend of these hormones. Remember when I said your CBFM can't PROVE that you ovulated? That's because it is just comparing your levels. If the highest your midcycle peak ever reaches is a 4, the monitor reports that as your peak or highest fertility day. But in reality, you didn't ovulate.

So that brings me to this.....

My Diagnosis



Friends, I do not ovulate even though I have regular cycles. My results for my 21 day tests came back with the hormone levels of a women well into menopause. So how did I go so long without noticing? I was taking all those OPKs and using the Monitor, so what happened? Well, it's pretty simple. I still cycle through my hormones. They still ebb and flow to create a normal 30 day cycle. The good news is that Hubby doesn't seem to have an issue. The extra good news is that hormones can be regulated with drugs.  So chin up! The second part of my journey begins in my next entry "I'm sorry for what I said while I was on Clomid".