You, and Me, and Babies makes 4

I don't want this to sound like a brag because I know that it can hurt those who are struggling, but I just can't believe it only took a few months for baby 2. I know this can be a trigger for some. I am sorry if this makes you unhappy. My wish is only to fill you with hope and give others a window to my experience.

We started the process (and yes it's a process when you're talking about fertility issues) thinking it could take up to two years again. We even considered skipping the OB and go straight to a specialist. I decided that I would start with my OB and try the easiest (read:least expensive) options first. We did have a bit of an issue with hormone levels on round two which lead me to believe we were in for the long and emotionally draining process that we had grown accustom to.Then on our third month my results of the CD21 day progesterone draw were too low for a medicated cycle (Only 14 - it was 26 with Archer) Typically this signifies that ovulation was unsuccessful.

The OB called to let me know that we would double my dosage for the following month. I just felt different than I normally do. Maybe I was just extra hopeful. (I know folks who were successful with progesterone levels of 10-12) I was only 10 DPO (Days Past Ovulation or CD25) but decided I wanted to take a test before we left for Thanksgiving in Ohio. (Normally I wouldn't test until 14DPO/CD30.) Well much to my surprise (and my OBs), I had a positive test.

Ok so I know you are squinting but honestly that is actually nice positive. Hope around some TTC forums and you will see some true "squinters". Anyway I sent this to my OB and she was very happy but wanted to run some HCG levels. My first draw was at 451. You go back for a second draw 48 hours later and the number should double. My second draw was at 1377. We were indeed pregnant and progressing. Luckily, I have a very understanding OB and she even sent me for a super early ultrasound where we saw the very earliest of heart flutters.

During this uncertain time I was pretty consistently taking pregnancy test. Why would you want to keep testing over and over? Because pregnancy tests will get darker as your HCG builds. If you HCG drops the line will fade. It's basically a way to test for pending miscarriage. Here is the last test I took.

I was pretty satisfied with this result partnered with the results of the HCG tests. So I decided it was time to celebrate.

So we were officially expecting baby number 2. The early weeks were pretty much the same as before. Discomfort, nausea, bloating, etc. The usual. I would say that this round was actually a bit easier than the previous 2 pregnancies. The hardest part is the exhaustion because you still have to chase around a toddler. Gone are the days of grabbing a cup of tea and taking a quick nap.

Soon we had our second ultrasound and a small bump began to appear. This was a big change from last pregnancy. This time around my body seems to remember what to do and started making room much much earlier.

Another interesting thing with this pregnancy is the rapid weight loss. Although I did lose weight in both the 1st and 2nd trimester with Archer, I have lost 20lbs now by 20 weeks. There isn't really too much concern about it since I had the extra weight to shed. The biggest issue is that I just am not hungry most of the time and the rest of the time I'm chasing a toddler to his potty. I am doing bi-weekly weight checks to make sure baby is growing and eating well.

Another weird thing about this pregnancy is baby movement. This time I started to feel those first flutters around 14 weeks. Perhaps this time I just know what it feels like so it's easier to identify? I am not really sure but I know that is almost a month earlier than last time. Now I'm getting full kart-wheels at night and the occasional swift day-time kick.

We did the genetic testing again and the first round came back great! I still carry the antibodies for Parvo so they come up on the panel but it's nothing to be concerned about. We get the second round of results at our 20 week anatomy scan tomorrow. For those who don't know the anatomy scan is often called the "gender scan".  Maternal Fetal Medicine will check a whole lot more than gender such as heart, gut, brain, spine, etc. Last pregnancy we wanted the gender to be surprised (which  was great until they asked me if we wanted to circumcising the baby). This time we need to do some logistical planning in terms of cloths, rooms, and other supplies. So tomorrow we will find out officially! So stay tuned :) Big things ahead!

1, 2, Skip a Few

I realize that my Son is now 2.5 years old and that I left a huge chunk out of his story. But the truth is that once he was a year old we fell into a rhythm. Sure there were tons of upsets that can break up the moments of smooth sailing...allow me to list them.

1. Sickness. My son is a day care kid. That place is just the zoo of germs, viruses, and gross. 

2. Teething. Loss of sleep, fevers, and cringe-worthy diapers...yuck

3. Biting. Although it IS part of a child's development, my child used it as his primary means of communication. I'm bored... Bite. I like you....Bite. I'm so excited...Bite. You get the idea. 

4. Crawling. New movements mean bigger boo-boos and more trouble.

5. Walking. See above and multiple by 2. 

6. Talking. (Or really a lack of) When your child wants desperately to communicate but can't they will act out from the frustration. The biting and screaming reach their max and then BOOM one day he can tell you his hands are sticky. Game changer!

7. Diaper Rash. Usually from teething but it does keep them up at night and they start to hate changes. Butt Paste...no really get some. 

8. Strangers. And not really strangers. Anyone that they do one see regularly can be difficult. 

9. Changes in routine. An absolute day-wrecker. Naps and Bed Time need to happen at the same time everyday. He lived by routine which made holidays, travel, and any thing outside the norm extremely difficult. 

10. Ear Infections. I suppose this could go under "sickness" but it's more like the bonus track. He did eventually get tubes and I wish we had pushed for them sooner. 

I think 10 examples is probably enough....although I could probably write posts about each of these things, I think I'd like to leave it in the rosey glow of hindsight. 

2-2.5 comes with it's own challenges some of which are unique to him. New teachers, new routines, and POTTY TRAINING (which we just started). He struggles with sensory in-put (both seeking and avoiding) and remains a highly active and very creative little man. He is so full of feelings (as many toddlers are) but the purest joy that he exudes is a privilege to share. 

So while I could go on and on about my not-so-baby boy, we are starting a new chapter by bringing a another little one into our whirl-wind crazy lives. Maybe this time I'll be able to keep up with the posts! 

Sleep Training and Praise be to Solid Food!

If your little one was a good sleeper....boy are you lucky! I am incredibly jealous. Even after we got the reflux under control little man would STILL wake up 1-2 times a night looking for some food. At his 6 month appointment  (Although I was in a better place) I was so dang tired of getting up twice a night. His doctor informed me that at 6 months old he did not NEED to get up anymore and that we could begin sleep training. Since he was waking up to eat she recommended that we wean him off night feedings.



So what we learned quickly was that he was ABSOLUTELY in it for the milk. The first wake-up was usually around 11 and he would put up a little bit of a fight but we could rock him back down without the bottle. Soon he dropped this wake-up (because he was in it for the food not the cuddles) and instead only woke up around 3. Well by 3 AM his little tummy must have been growling because it took MONTHS to drop this one. I admit, we could have been stronger. There were some nights when we caved and gave a tiny bit of formula just so we could all go back to sleep. Unfortunately that just delayed the weaning/sleep training. Please note: We have a VERY small home. I can walk clear to the other side of my house and still hear everything that's happening at any time anywhere in the rest house. My husband slept with ear plugs in...there was no escape.

Then something glorious happened. Solid food. Well semi-solid food since there is no chewing involved. Once we got some good old FOOD into this kid he started to sleep through the night. He inconsistently slept through the night from 9-11 months and by his first birthday he was a sleeping champion. (going down to one nap a day was also very helpful) Now he is a sleeping pro. He naps for 2 hours a day. goes to bed without fuss, and unless he is teething or has a nightmare we don't see him until 6AM. (Bed time is 7:30)

Reflux, Pumping, and a Dairy Allergy - Answers and the turning point

When my little one was around 3 months old our pediatrician started him on baby Zantac. For about a month this was a GAME CHANGER. He went from constantly upset, hungry, and pooping/puking to just pooping/puking. It doesn't sound like much of an improvement but it is HUGE when you want more than 2 hours of sleep at a time. So as things improved and he went from being up every 2 hours to every 4-6 hours we found a better rhythm as a family.

I was back to work right around  this time so I was pumping as much as I could but my supply was plummeting. Can we side note for a minute?



Pumping at work is a nightmare. You start your day like the crazy bag lady as you carry in your pump, parts, bottles, cooler bag, etc. Then if your experience is anything like mine (Read: no private office) you end up carrying your stuff down to a "Mother's Room" or a "Lactation Room" or a "Pumping Room". (I work in a school so "Mother's Room" is the chosen title) This room was a hell-hole. Listen I am grateful that there are new laws requiring employers to designate these spaces BUT the requirement is very bare-bones. They must provide seating, a fridge, and lockable door. Aaaaand that's about it. My place of employment took what used to be a closet (Yes it was a walk-in closet...they didn't even take the shelves down) and found some old chairs from sitting areas. Then they added a mini fridge. And that's it. It is in the basement and has no cell reception. It is cold, uncomfortable, and feels dirty. Plus it is really only set up for one mom at a time. My friend and I asked for an old divider from the school nurse so that we could pump at the same time without having to be all in each other's business. 

I tried to bring in some homey touches but adding a basket full of supplies like extra milk bags, saniwipes, snacks, and an extra phone charger. We added a white board so we could leave messages for the other moms. No matter what we did (unless I was willing to shell out some major bucks) it was just an uncomfortable situation. There was the added challenge of not having a sink or microwave (two ways to sanitize pump parts). Sure you can seal them in a container and pop it in the fridge but who wants to hold cold flanges to their nipples....not I. So I ended up bringing TWO sets. What a mess.

So as you can imagine, with my supply tanking and my willingness to sit in the closet also tanking, I was ready to start giving more formula. I was combo feeding but until this point I was going about 75% breastmilk and 25% formula. So first I went to 50/50 and then it became more like 60/40 with nights bring entirely formula. Then it happened. Bloody Diaper. It was after Christmas and we had family with us. I called his doctor and they told us to either go to CHOP or Lehigh Children's. City Driving is about my least favorite thing so we went to Lehigh Valley instead.

After a traumatizing ER wait (That's a different story for a different day) we have two different doctors FIGHTING in front of us about what was causing the bleeding. They eventually send us home with no real answers. One doctor strongly believed that it probably just a Diary Allergy and advised me to stop formula and cut dairy from my diet completely... or buy this very fancy very expensive dairy-free and soy-free formula called Nutramigen.


Well...I can tell you. This was the turning point. I dropped Breastfeeding and pumping and we started him on Nutramigen (which warning...smells like hot garbage). Holy life change. He started only waking once at night. He wasnt pooping/puking like before. I was actually happy and enjoying feedings. My PPD faded away and I finally was the Mom I wanted to be.

Praise to you Nutramigen and Zantac!

Home with a Newborn- Breastfeeding, PPD, and Maternity leave

For many, the newborn phase is their favorite. Tons of snuggles, sleeping every two hours, lots of 1 on 1 time, cries are still sweet and tiny, etc. For other this can be the most trying time. I can tell you that I was suffering. Suffering big time. I felt very unprepared for the healing and the changes in my life and my body. I was unprepared for the constant fear that the baby wasn't being cared for properly (made much worse when I struggled with  breastfeeding and he had Jandice). I felt alone and scared mostly.



I should preface this topic with the disclaimer: I had PPD (Post Pardum Depression) and I waited entirely too long to talk about it and get some help for it. So everything I experienced was clouded by these feelings that I was a bad mother. With that disclaimer lets break it down.

Breastfeeding:
Boy oh Boy. This may be the biggest challenge I have ever faced. My tiny little baby had a hard time latching and I had a hard time producing. So the hospital had me pump. Pump after every feed and then feed what I pumped - repeat forever. This meant that if he needed to eat every two hours I would spend 30 minutes breastfeeding, then 30 minutes pumping, then 30 minutes pace bottle feeding. That's an 1 and a half. All I did for weeks was worry, pump, and worry, cry and then mix my breast milk with formula. I did end up combo feeding which was a blessing and I was able to do that for 3 months until we found out that he had a dairy allergy. Then we switched to Nutramigen which is daily free and smells like hot garbage. He drank it anyway but unfortunately he had terrible reflux.  Around 8 months this eased and he puked less and slept more.



Maternity Leave:
Turns out, I am not stay-at-home-mom material. About half way through my leave I was ready to come back at least part time. I even asked if I could or if I could work from home a bit. They said no which was probably best for everyone but boy did I need to get out of my house and think about something other than diapers. The days and nights all run together because you are up every few hours. Simple things like eating and showering are difficult. I am glad I had the time 1 on 1 with my son but they were some of my most difficult days. I truly believe I became a better mother when I went back to work.