First Trimester = the worst and best thing ever

So I realize I've really only experienced the first trimester, but I can promise it's pretty wild. Before we get started I want to make sure everyone knows how the weeks of pregnancy work. Here is a handy-dandy chart!

So here is the super weird thing about calculating due dates and how many weeks along you are. You need to actually start counting from the first day of your last period. That begins week 1. So technically your first few weeks of pregnancy, you aren't even pregnant. I know it's weird.

Disclaimer time! Below is my personal experience. Every person is different and every pregnancy is different. Also, as always...I am not a doctor.

Month 1 (week 1 - 4)
Ok so you aren't even pregnant yet, technically, but if you were anything like me you were planning like you were (no drinking, no caffeine, lots of water and veggies etc...I'm using "no" loosely but you get the idea) That first week (AF week); that was my "wine week". After that the Baby Dancing happens from week 2-3. Week 4 is when you begin obsessively peeing on sticks.

The first week of pregnancy (and I don't mean the weird weeks before you conceive that they count as part of the 40 weeks. I mean you have been pregnant for a few days or by the doctor's terms week 4), you will feel like death. During my first pregnancy I thought I had the flu, missed 3 days of work, and fell down inside a CVS. This time around I felt like I'd been hit by a bus. My whole body hurt and I just wanted to sleep all day. Luckily I only missed one day of work this time and I did not embarrass myself in any public places. The good news is that this passes in a few days and you switch over to just being tired. You will be super excited and terrified. I can promise that when you see that second line you will be a mix of so many emotions that it wont seem real.

Month 2 (week 5 - 9)
When you excitedly pick up the phone to call you OB you may be underwhelmed with the reaction you receive. Most offices will not see you until week 8. If you do request to come in to confirm your pregnancy they will have you take a regular pee on a stick pregnancy test and probably mark your file as "crazy-pants". Sometimes they will do a blood test if you have a history of miscarriage or low progesterone. My advice is to call, book your 8 week appointment, and do your best not to freak out. Now at this point in my pregnancy we told a few very close friends and family members. It was Christmas and the joy made me do it!

 All the joy

Weeks 5 - 7 I didn't feel much different. In fact, it can be kind of scary because you don't really "feel pregnant". As someone who suffered a loss before I can tell you it is an extra scary time. After all, there is a reason the OB makes you wait 8 weeks to come in. I did take some extra pregnancy tests to make sure things were progressing. Basically you are looking for the line to get darker or you can get one of those super fancy week predictor tests.

This is what they look like. This test means you have been pregnant for 2-3 weeks... so in doctor's terms weeks 5-6.

At the 8 week mark you have your "new pregnancy appointment" which is your longest appointment. Don't be surprised if you are booked with a nurse practitioner. Doctors simply don't have a 45 minute block to take your medical history and give you pregnancy basics. My advice is to come with a list of questions. My NP rushed my appointment because it was a second pregnancy. I also had the unusual situation that I had my first Ultrasound before my official first pregnancy appointment.

Starting at week 9 my symptoms (besides the relentless exhaustion) kicked in. Everything you read is true. Morning Sickness can happen at any time of the day. Mine was worst at night. You really do need to eat frequent small meals and it's a good idea to keep crackers next to your bed. I also struggled with headaches and dizziness. Perhaps worst of all is the BLOAT. It is painful and can be a precursor to intestinal issues in the coming days. Progesterone actually slows down your digestion so that you body can absorb maximum nutrients. Unfortunately this can lead to constipation and bloating. Last pregnancy I had horrible heartburn. Luckily this time around I haven't really had trouble.

No wonder my pants were tight!

Month 3 (week 10 - 13)

Week 10 and 11 continued on with nausea and general pregnancy ickiness. Since my last pregnancy ended around 11/12 weeks it was a time of high stress. At my 8 week ultra sounds they discovered two cysts on my ovaries (most likely from clomid). They required a follow-up which was actually great because it meant that I got to go into Maternal Fetal Medicine for level 2 ultrasound.

This was the most stressed I have been thus far. Here I was back in the same same doctor's office, at the same point in my pregnancy, in the exact same room. This time Hubby was at my side. I squeezed his hand and prepared for the worst. The wand touched my belly and BAM wild crazy baby dancing away. No doubt there. Instant relief ( and a few tears). The rest of the appointment I was on cloud 9. (Which was extra great because it was our second anniversary!) We followed up with an NT scan and they took blood for a Sequential Screening. These are two tests that I opted out of last time but I thought might provide some peace of mind this time. All in all I was a happy Momma!

Which brings me to this week. I had my first extra crazy pregnant lady freak-out. I lost control over my emotions. It was bananas. (B-A-N-A-N-A-S!) Customer Service reps- you folks can make or break me. After an hour and half I just had no cool left and when I was treated like a child, I broke and acted like one. The worst part is you can see it coming....like oh no...I'm gunna freak out...crap I'm freaking out...dear lord I CANT STOP FREAKING OUT. Seriously it was ugly and embarrassing. I knew that pregnancy could cause you to be more emotional. I mean I lost it during a Disney commercial and just wept big fat beautiful tears. But what I did not know was that once you break that so angry you're crying point it is really hard to come back from. So...beware I guess?

On to the second trimester! woo!

I'm back and I'm making a human!

At last...

Alright friends so I am sure that my sudden and lengthy absence was a pretty big clue that we had something cooking. I knew we weren't fooling anyone but it seemed important to play this one pretty close to the chest. So here is a quick recap of the last 3 months. I promise to give more detail in later posts! ( Like registry craziness, morning sickness, and crying during Disney commercials) 

December:

You saw on my previous post that the doctor called with great test results. My progesterone was high enough to support pregnancy and I was just playing the waiting game to see if implantation was successful. 

So I was waiting.....

And waiting.....

And waiting.....

And then finally...

YAY! This test was taken 15DPO!

So finally, just a few days before Christmas, we had confirmation that implantation was successful and an embryo was chugging along. Now if you are wondering about 15DPO, that means that it was 15 days past my estimated ovulation date or 1 day after AF's (Aunt Flow's) expected arrival. Why is this significant? Well those fancy $20 test claim to detect pregnancy as early as 6 days before AF. LIES! So do yourself (and your wallet) a favor and don't keep tests in your house. Wait until you are late and then go buy one. I wasted a bunch of time, money, and stress trying to confirm pregnancy too soon. 

January:

My first appointment wasn't until 8 weeks. This appointment was terrible.  They were training a new tech and she had a bunch of difficulty entering my information into the system. They couldn't detect a heartbeat. I was given paperwork for an ultra sound and made an appointment for the very next day. Heart rate was confirmed at 169 BPM.

That floating ball is a yolk sac...not a disembodied head (FYI)

Because of the issues with the Tech entering information incorrectly, I actually had to go in again a few days later. The information in the system was a mix of my past pregnancy and my current pregnancy which was less than helpful for my doctors. At the second appointment the doctor informed me that I had a cyst on each of my ovaries. Not great news but no terrible. It also meant that I got to go in to Maternal Fetal Medicine at 12 weeks for a follow up. (Yay extra Ultrasounds!)

February: 

We scheduled my 12 weeks ultrasound on our 2 year anniversary. (In hindsight not the best idea because I was terrified we would get bad news and ruin our day) We go great news and it made our day even more special. The cysts are almost completely gone (most likely they were a result of extended clomid use) AND we have a crazy active beautiful little baby. 

Already sucking his/her thumb!

So our little Spud (yes, I call the baby Spud...look at that first ultrasound and tell me you don't see a potato) is crazy active (definitely my husband's child). Our amazing tech had to poke my belly to get the baby to flip the right way. Every time she tried to take a picture BAM flipped again. Waving arms and kicking legs made for some blurry pictures but they were able to get a good NT measurement. (This measurement helps identify higher chances for chromosomal conditions including Down syndrome.) We are also doing some sequential testing and clotting testing. It is recommended that expectant mothers under go clotting testing if they ever experienced a fetal demise after movement and heartbeat is confirmed. Luckily even if you test positive the treatment is simply a baby aspirin. 

The appointment went very well although we discovered that some of the tests we requested from the previous pregnancy were never completed. We will follow up with some additional blood tests in March and the 20 week ultrasound in April. 

Today:

So that is where we are! Now that we reached 12 weeks our chances of miscarriage are down to 1%. My doctor felt that it was total reasonable to be excited and share our news. Our announcement went live yesterday on our second anniversary. I finally feel like it's real :)

Here is our announcement, just in case you missed it!

All I want for Christmas....

Ok so! This is the longest TWW (Two Week Wait) of my life. What is the TWW you ask? Allow me to explain...

The TWW is the Luteal Phase. "The luteal phase is one stage of the menstrual cycle. It occurs after ovulation (when the ovaries release an egg) and before your period starts. During this phase, the lining of your uterus normally becomes thicker to prepare for a possible pregnancy."- Web MD

I really should have pursued being a health teacher....

Basically the Luteal phase is the time between the end of your fertile window and the beginning of your next cycle. This is when women start symptom watching, CM checking, and peeing on sticks. The first week is pretty useless since there is no way you could possibly be pregnant that soon. But the second week, oh that's when I get the crazies.

So I am extra crazy this month. Why you ask? Well it's for many reasons....

1. It's the holidays. Cute babies in Christmas outfits, kids waiting for Santa, family and love every where....you get the picture.  But just in case you don't....here's one!

2. We were going to do pregnancy announcements as our Christmas card.

3. The test results for my progesterone levels are...GREAT. In fact, it's the same exact level as when I conceived in May.

So I realize the image is hard to read, but it shows on Oct 16th my level was 16.2 and as of Dec 11th my level was 26.2. (I missed my test in November, but I can tell you that I am usually right around 15 -16) So what does "21" mean? What is going on? So really all this means is that on day 21 there was likely a fertilized egg hanging out. The body amps up its progesterone levels to prepare for implantation. Implantation occurs 6-8 days after conception. (right around that 21 day test) See it's starting to come together right?

So my doctor called to say that my body is preparing itself for pregnancy. Her exact words were "This could be the month." NOW WAIT. Do not ...I repeat... DO NOT get excited. (I know it's super hard) A million things could happen that could prevent an embryo from implanting. Including the fact that it may not even be an embryo. It could implant wrong, it could stop dividing, it could have incorrect genetic material, or even no genetic material. If any of thses cases is true, there would be no pregnancy. (...and believe me the list of issues goes on! Remember that even when everything goes right there is only a 20% chance of achieving pregnancy each cycle)

Fertilized eggs that do not implant correctly are often called "chemical pregnancies" because your body was chemically all geared up and ready, but something went wrong in the process. Basically, it is the earliest form of miscarriage and it is very common. Usually women are not aware as it happen so early that their cycle can remain unchanged. Chemical pregnancies are "on the rise" as more and more women are taking a proactive approach to their fertility. In reality they really aren't "on the rise" it's just that more women are aware of them than ever before. 

So now what?

PANIC. Just kidding. Please don't. Now because I am a crazy person, I took a HPT. (POAS addict remember?!)  That was a really dumb idea....of course it was negative. I have a whole week left to wait...DUH!

So why the wait? If there is an implanted egg in there why cant I know now?  Well.....because....SCIENCE...

OK so pregnancy test are checking your HCG levels. HCG is a rapidly producing hormone that is released during pregnancy and your body begins to develop this hormone after your egg implants and the placenta begins to form. HCG doubles every 2-3 days. Remember in science class when you would use Litmus paper to check acids and bases? It's the same idea for checking the chemicals in your pool. This may look familar...

The liquid reacts to the paper and bam results! Well if your liquid only has a very small amount of acid or base you might get neutral result. This is exactly what happens with pregnancy tests. A negative pregnancy test is essentially just a neutral result. This is why pregnancy tests come with a base line. The base line lets you know that the test is working and hasn't been compromised. It also gives you something to compare a result to. (WOOOO SCIENCE)

So, in order for a pregnancy test to pick up the HCG there has to be enough present to see the result. This is why many brands recommend taking the test in the morning when you've been holding your pee. It's super gross but a more concentrated urine will often show a stronger result.

HPTs , at the earliest begin detecting pregnancy at 20mIU. This level would allow you to test before your missed period. These highly sensitive tests are usually marked "early detection" where as some drug store brands have very low sensitivity coming in at 100mIU.

I took a FRER (First Response Early Results). The forum ladies sing it praises daily. FRERs have a sensitivity of 25mIU, which is really good compared to the 50mIU in my beloved dollar store brand. (BTW- walgreens brand is 100mIU....but their digital is 50mIU...buyer beware)

So if you are googling around you will see that most doctors and even test companies tell you to wait until a day after your missed period for 99% accuracy.  Prior to that day it is possible to get a false negative. Since I took my test 7 days early, (I told myself it was only 6 because I found out the day before my missed period last time) I am hoping it was a false negative which is likely since I was an idiot. I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF!

Anyway so that is where I am. It is going to be a very long week! Fingers crossed and no more tests!

Bonus Post for December! (WTF is happening here?)

Ok so, weird things are happening and I have to vent...

I started my third cycle of clomid (after miscarriage) on CD5. I do days 5-9. I know lots of folks do days 3-7. It's up to your doctor when you do your dosage and how much your dosage is. My dosage is very low because I am ovulating so why have increased symptoms and complications. (Plus increased probability of twins). So I am all for the treatment plan I am currently on...but then this happened...

What?! What?! What is this?! Ovulating on CD 11? I think not. That is ridiculous, right? Now it is true that clomid makes you ovulate early. When I conceived in May, based on my due date, I ovulated a day earlier than I thought. But this would be super early. So let's break this down...

CBFM (Clear Blue Fertility Monitor): CD 11
PT (Period Tracker): CD 15
Ovia: CD 16

Does anyone else think PT and Ovia are too late? In May we pinpointed CD 13 and CD 14 is the average. But CBFM looks too early too.

So of course I hit the internet and I am spinning down the rabbit hole that is fertility forums. Lot's of women seem to have the same issue. It could be a number of things. Maybe I was ovulating naturally and the drug kicked it into high gear or maybe I was taking the clomid later in the day so its closer to CD 6 - 11 so my monitor picked up the clomid. Anyway long story short, there is no way to tell but I did find this handy-dandy flow chart.

So this is for folks doing IVF or IUI. So I am using this as my guide. They have clomid starting CD 5 and BD (baby dancing) CD 10 - 14. But, PT and Ovia are saying CD 15 or CD 16. So maybe the monitor was closer to the truth? I guess we will find out based on the CD 21 progesterone test which is scheduled for Friday because Day 21 is actually a Saturday and you know what happened last time day 21 landed on a Saturday.


In the mean time I am researching into the difference between taking clomid on CD 3-7 and CD 5-9. So far the main response I am seeing is that CD 3-7 produces multiple eggs ( thus multiple chances) where as CD 5-9 produces one super-egg. I havn't found any science to back up this claim so I am not fully convinced that it is true. Back to the internet rabbit hole I go!

aww, isn't he cute!

It's begining to look a lot like.....desperation

Hello friends! I hope you all have a wonderful Holiday. Silas and I traveled to Ohio and enjoyed some time with friends and family. We played laser tag and I fought teenagers for my freedom from a fake castle...so I guess you could call it a successful trip. 

I told them I was 30. They released me immediately. 

I started my next round of Clomid while we were away and today is the last dosage. I started feeling symptoms yesterday while decorating our Christmas tree. Mostly hot-flashes and a bit of dizziness which of course made me just so enjoyable to be around. The symptoms are a huge pain, but hopefully it means that ovulation will come when expected. So when is ovulation expected?

Ok so I have some idea...but it's really not specific....

My fertility monitor is showing high readings (as in ...I am already in my fertility window) but my apps disagree.

Period Tracker(PT)- Shows Fertility Window from December 1 - December 7. Peak Day December 6th.

Ovia- Shows Fertility Window from December 4 - December 9. No Peak Day.

So this makes me unhappy. I tend to agree with PT based on when I conceived last time but it's odd that the monitor is already giving high readings. I know that Ovia takes your symptoms into account when calculating your window. So I am a bit at a loss here. It looks like I better keep testing on the Monitor and plan on a window that lasts from now to December 9th.

 (Husband's reaction) 

You know what I hate hearing? "Practice makes perfect!" or "This is the fun part!" Here is a little insider tip....scheduled, planned, scientific and time-sensitive BDing (Baby Dancing...you're welcome) is not fun. Don't get me wrong, it's not like a trip to the dentist, but there is an added expectation and pressure that makes things more difficult.

So think of me the next time you BD on a Sunday afternoon just because the mode strikes you....actually....on second thought...please don't....

It's awkward again...

So Happy December everyone...next month will make 2 years of trying to make a baby. So fingers crossed that I am not on the naughty list. I am pretty sure that Santa know exactly what I want for Christmas.  In the meantime I will occupy myself between now and the 21 day test with decorating, baking, and treating my dog like he's our child. 

Who needs Sears Photo Center? Just humiliate your dog at home!

Vacation Won...hands down!

Yup, we were those people. You're Welcome. 

Ok so, Vacation was amazing. Really just one of the best times of my life. I threw the rules out the window and enjoyed every single moment. Did I want a giant cup of coffee every day? Yes, and I had one. Did I partake in every aspect of the Food and Wine Festival? You bet your bottom dollar I did. The first day, between travel and activities, Silas and I were up for about 25 hours. We did nap on the plane and about 30 minutes before dinner. 

"25 HOURS?!", you say. Believe me, it was not intentional. We planned on checking into an airport hotel because we had a 5AM flight. We thought we would get atleast 5 hours of sleep before the Festival which ended at 4AM.... Well...

Yah, that's a fire truck.  

So after we learned that someone burned a bag of popcorn (WHAT IS THIS, COLLEGE?!), we finally got back to our room to get a glorious 3 hours of sleep.  So, remember back at the last entry when I thought my schedule would be fine? After all, it wasn't like I left the time zone....WELL HA HA HA to past me. 

I totally screwed up my ovulation schedule. 

Well actually, to be more specific, I have absolutely no idea when or if I ovulated. Fertility Monitors (which I did bring! I had such good intentions), force you to test within the same window every day. The consistency of these tests is what helps to pin down that 12 - 24 hours window, so it's important. Well, I blew it. I missed a day to travel, and then the day after that because I slept until 9AM. (give me a break I was up until 3:30 AM!) I tried to test on the third day but it was too late to pin point ovulation. It is likely that I did ovulate in that 3 day window but I have no proof. 

"Well at least you have your 21 Day Progesterone test," you tell me gleefully! Guys, I am sorry to say that I missed that too...

So just a tidbit of advice for anyone who's test day falls on a Saturday. Very few testing place (I use LabCorp) are open and many are fully booked. With a CD 21 day test you can wait a day to CD 22. But that was Sunday and labs are closed. So, I missed that too. 

So Vacation absolutely won this one. BUT LOOK HOW PRETTY....

So I did a HPT test at 10DPO, but unfortunately I don't have a "Disney Baby". I know that's kind of early to test because it's possible that I ovulated late. Late ovulation is very unusual for me AND we had roommates so the timeline wouldn't add up. Sadly, no baby this month.

I did learn some imporatnt things. One being that it's ok to let some of this tracking and testing go. I know I had way more fun in Disney than I would have testing and fussing everyday. The other was this solid piece of advice from a Disney Bus. 

So we are back in the groove at home. Waiting on CD 1 so that we can begin the whole process again. This will be my third round of fertility treatment after my miscarriage. It is safe to say that I am very very antsy at this stage. My goal was to be pregnant by Christmas, but now I think February is a more realistic goal. February is also when our baby would have been born so it would be nice to have some good news around that time. 

So sit tight and we will start this whole Circus over again. In the meantime you can check out my dog casting some serious shade....

This is his "You left me here and now you want to snuggle? I think not." face. What a sas-monster.

Ovulation verse Vacation...who will win?

So recently I've been thinking about my "5 year plan". The professional aspects of my life are in a  state of flux, so I am evaluating things. What I've discovered is this: It is incredibly hard to imagine your future when you are blinded by infertility. I recently saw an "article" on buzzfeed that offered many different views on infertility. Some I can relate to (like the photo above), but I was amazed at all the different ways that infertility effects lives.

Feel free to check it out here: http://www.buzzfeed.com/morganshanahan/confessions-from-women-who-are-perfectly-happy-with-their#.tgoEGpDj3

So as I've been trying to evaluate my life and my plans, the truth is the only thing I really want is to be a Mom. So professional life, I am sorry, but for now you are on the back burner. My job is stable and I do enjoy it, so why mess with a good thing?

So here is what I have been focusing on instead...
-Clomid on CD 5-9 (and now all the fun side effects ....HOT FLASHES)
-Cutting Caffeine in take (::whimpers::)
-Enjoying little moments with family and friends
-Savoring glasses of white wine
-Snuggling my dog and treating him like my fur-baby
-Oh yah....and.......

WOOOOOO! It is the most wonderful place in the world...I don't care if you don't agree. This is my happy place. I will cry at the Magic Kingdom's firework show Wishes (cause I always do, with or without hormone treatments), I will enjoy amazing food and adult beverages, and I will scream WEEEE on every single ride. If you are pregnant and in Disney World....SUCKS FOR YOU ....HAHAHAHAHA. Ok, that was mean.  But for real. Pregnancy does kills the fun-factor. 

So yes, this trip is pretty perfectly timed in terms of enjoyment. However, there is the little issue of ovulation. As you know, I use two different apps and a fertility monitor to track ovulation. Period Tracker estimates that I will ovulate of Saturday. Ovia is guessing Monday. The fertility monitor shows I am 3 days into my fertile window but no spike yet. (it's also a day ahead...it's really CD 14).

So why is this an issue (other than the fact that these don't really match up)? Well it's a two fold problem. The first problem is that we are sharing a room with another couple so....yah.... that's troublesome....

The second problem is that Travel can change your cycle. "Your menstrual cycle and ovulation are controlled by a specific balance of hormones that your body gets used to, and any changes in this balance can result in a shift in ovulation date. Travel, particularly under stressful circumstances or over different time zones, has been known to interfere with the timing of ovulation, which can make it more difficult to identify your fertile window. It is not the literal, physical traveling that can affect ovulation, but rather all of the stressors and environment changes that are a part of it." (Source: Ovuline) 

Ok so I realize that a two hour flight within your time zone is, as the kids say, NBD. However, my flight leaves at 5 AM so I will be up at 2 AM. That night I am going to the Food and Wine Finish Line Party (jealous?) which ends at 4AM. So we are planning some very important naps. I am a bit worried that these changes may push back my ovulation...but maybe not as worried as my roommate should be...hahahah. Sorry, it got awkward again...

Anyway, that's what's up this month! I am hoping to have more blood-work on CD 21 to test out progesterone levels. If they are high enough to support pregnancy then I will hold my breath for a week and use a HPT. If it's positive I will have something to be super thankful for this Thanksgiving. If not, then on to December. I know what's at the top of my Christmas list....

Until then, I have some very magical stars to wish on  :)