You, and Me, and Babies makes 4

I don't want this to sound like a brag because I know that it can hurt those who are struggling, but I just can't believe it only took a few months for baby 2. I know this can be a trigger for some. I am sorry if this makes you unhappy. My wish is only to fill you with hope and give others a window to my experience.

We started the process (and yes it's a process when you're talking about fertility issues) thinking it could take up to two years again. We even considered skipping the OB and go straight to a specialist. I decided that I would start with my OB and try the easiest (read:least expensive) options first. We did have a bit of an issue with hormone levels on round two which lead me to believe we were in for the long and emotionally draining process that we had grown accustom to.Then on our third month my results of the CD21 day progesterone draw were too low for a medicated cycle (Only 14 - it was 26 with Archer) Typically this signifies that ovulation was unsuccessful.

The OB called to let me know that we would double my dosage for the following month. I just felt different than I normally do. Maybe I was just extra hopeful. (I know folks who were successful with progesterone levels of 10-12) I was only 10 DPO (Days Past Ovulation or CD25) but decided I wanted to take a test before we left for Thanksgiving in Ohio. (Normally I wouldn't test until 14DPO/CD30.) Well much to my surprise (and my OBs), I had a positive test.

Ok so I know you are squinting but honestly that is actually nice positive. Hope around some TTC forums and you will see some true "squinters". Anyway I sent this to my OB and she was very happy but wanted to run some HCG levels. My first draw was at 451. You go back for a second draw 48 hours later and the number should double. My second draw was at 1377. We were indeed pregnant and progressing. Luckily, I have a very understanding OB and she even sent me for a super early ultrasound where we saw the very earliest of heart flutters.

During this uncertain time I was pretty consistently taking pregnancy test. Why would you want to keep testing over and over? Because pregnancy tests will get darker as your HCG builds. If you HCG drops the line will fade. It's basically a way to test for pending miscarriage. Here is the last test I took.

I was pretty satisfied with this result partnered with the results of the HCG tests. So I decided it was time to celebrate.

So we were officially expecting baby number 2. The early weeks were pretty much the same as before. Discomfort, nausea, bloating, etc. The usual. I would say that this round was actually a bit easier than the previous 2 pregnancies. The hardest part is the exhaustion because you still have to chase around a toddler. Gone are the days of grabbing a cup of tea and taking a quick nap.

Soon we had our second ultrasound and a small bump began to appear. This was a big change from last pregnancy. This time around my body seems to remember what to do and started making room much much earlier.

Another interesting thing with this pregnancy is the rapid weight loss. Although I did lose weight in both the 1st and 2nd trimester with Archer, I have lost 20lbs now by 20 weeks. There isn't really too much concern about it since I had the extra weight to shed. The biggest issue is that I just am not hungry most of the time and the rest of the time I'm chasing a toddler to his potty. I am doing bi-weekly weight checks to make sure baby is growing and eating well.

Another weird thing about this pregnancy is baby movement. This time I started to feel those first flutters around 14 weeks. Perhaps this time I just know what it feels like so it's easier to identify? I am not really sure but I know that is almost a month earlier than last time. Now I'm getting full kart-wheels at night and the occasional swift day-time kick.

We did the genetic testing again and the first round came back great! I still carry the antibodies for Parvo so they come up on the panel but it's nothing to be concerned about. We get the second round of results at our 20 week anatomy scan tomorrow. For those who don't know the anatomy scan is often called the "gender scan".  Maternal Fetal Medicine will check a whole lot more than gender such as heart, gut, brain, spine, etc. Last pregnancy we wanted the gender to be surprised (which  was great until they asked me if we wanted to circumcising the baby). This time we need to do some logistical planning in terms of cloths, rooms, and other supplies. So tomorrow we will find out officially! So stay tuned :) Big things ahead!

1, 2, Skip a Few

I realize that my Son is now 2.5 years old and that I left a huge chunk out of his story. But the truth is that once he was a year old we fell into a rhythm. Sure there were tons of upsets that can break up the moments of smooth sailing...allow me to list them.

1. Sickness. My son is a day care kid. That place is just the zoo of germs, viruses, and gross. 

2. Teething. Loss of sleep, fevers, and cringe-worthy diapers...yuck

3. Biting. Although it IS part of a child's development, my child used it as his primary means of communication. I'm bored... Bite. I like you....Bite. I'm so excited...Bite. You get the idea. 

4. Crawling. New movements mean bigger boo-boos and more trouble.

5. Walking. See above and multiple by 2. 

6. Talking. (Or really a lack of) When your child wants desperately to communicate but can't they will act out from the frustration. The biting and screaming reach their max and then BOOM one day he can tell you his hands are sticky. Game changer!

7. Diaper Rash. Usually from teething but it does keep them up at night and they start to hate changes. Butt Paste...no really get some. 

8. Strangers. And not really strangers. Anyone that they do one see regularly can be difficult. 

9. Changes in routine. An absolute day-wrecker. Naps and Bed Time need to happen at the same time everyday. He lived by routine which made holidays, travel, and any thing outside the norm extremely difficult. 

10. Ear Infections. I suppose this could go under "sickness" but it's more like the bonus track. He did eventually get tubes and I wish we had pushed for them sooner. 

I think 10 examples is probably enough....although I could probably write posts about each of these things, I think I'd like to leave it in the rosey glow of hindsight. 

2-2.5 comes with it's own challenges some of which are unique to him. New teachers, new routines, and POTTY TRAINING (which we just started). He struggles with sensory in-put (both seeking and avoiding) and remains a highly active and very creative little man. He is so full of feelings (as many toddlers are) but the purest joy that he exudes is a privilege to share. 

So while I could go on and on about my not-so-baby boy, we are starting a new chapter by bringing a another little one into our whirl-wind crazy lives. Maybe this time I'll be able to keep up with the posts! 

Sleep Training and Praise be to Solid Food!

If your little one was a good sleeper....boy are you lucky! I am incredibly jealous. Even after we got the reflux under control little man would STILL wake up 1-2 times a night looking for some food. At his 6 month appointment  (Although I was in a better place) I was so dang tired of getting up twice a night. His doctor informed me that at 6 months old he did not NEED to get up anymore and that we could begin sleep training. Since he was waking up to eat she recommended that we wean him off night feedings.



So what we learned quickly was that he was ABSOLUTELY in it for the milk. The first wake-up was usually around 11 and he would put up a little bit of a fight but we could rock him back down without the bottle. Soon he dropped this wake-up (because he was in it for the food not the cuddles) and instead only woke up around 3. Well by 3 AM his little tummy must have been growling because it took MONTHS to drop this one. I admit, we could have been stronger. There were some nights when we caved and gave a tiny bit of formula just so we could all go back to sleep. Unfortunately that just delayed the weaning/sleep training. Please note: We have a VERY small home. I can walk clear to the other side of my house and still hear everything that's happening at any time anywhere in the rest house. My husband slept with ear plugs in...there was no escape.

Then something glorious happened. Solid food. Well semi-solid food since there is no chewing involved. Once we got some good old FOOD into this kid he started to sleep through the night. He inconsistently slept through the night from 9-11 months and by his first birthday he was a sleeping champion. (going down to one nap a day was also very helpful) Now he is a sleeping pro. He naps for 2 hours a day. goes to bed without fuss, and unless he is teething or has a nightmare we don't see him until 6AM. (Bed time is 7:30)

Reflux, Pumping, and a Dairy Allergy - Answers and the turning point

When my little one was around 3 months old our pediatrician started him on baby Zantac. For about a month this was a GAME CHANGER. He went from constantly upset, hungry, and pooping/puking to just pooping/puking. It doesn't sound like much of an improvement but it is HUGE when you want more than 2 hours of sleep at a time. So as things improved and he went from being up every 2 hours to every 4-6 hours we found a better rhythm as a family.

I was back to work right around  this time so I was pumping as much as I could but my supply was plummeting. Can we side note for a minute?



Pumping at work is a nightmare. You start your day like the crazy bag lady as you carry in your pump, parts, bottles, cooler bag, etc. Then if your experience is anything like mine (Read: no private office) you end up carrying your stuff down to a "Mother's Room" or a "Lactation Room" or a "Pumping Room". (I work in a school so "Mother's Room" is the chosen title) This room was a hell-hole. Listen I am grateful that there are new laws requiring employers to designate these spaces BUT the requirement is very bare-bones. They must provide seating, a fridge, and lockable door. Aaaaand that's about it. My place of employment took what used to be a closet (Yes it was a walk-in closet...they didn't even take the shelves down) and found some old chairs from sitting areas. Then they added a mini fridge. And that's it. It is in the basement and has no cell reception. It is cold, uncomfortable, and feels dirty. Plus it is really only set up for one mom at a time. My friend and I asked for an old divider from the school nurse so that we could pump at the same time without having to be all in each other's business. 

I tried to bring in some homey touches but adding a basket full of supplies like extra milk bags, saniwipes, snacks, and an extra phone charger. We added a white board so we could leave messages for the other moms. No matter what we did (unless I was willing to shell out some major bucks) it was just an uncomfortable situation. There was the added challenge of not having a sink or microwave (two ways to sanitize pump parts). Sure you can seal them in a container and pop it in the fridge but who wants to hold cold flanges to their nipples....not I. So I ended up bringing TWO sets. What a mess.

So as you can imagine, with my supply tanking and my willingness to sit in the closet also tanking, I was ready to start giving more formula. I was combo feeding but until this point I was going about 75% breastmilk and 25% formula. So first I went to 50/50 and then it became more like 60/40 with nights bring entirely formula. Then it happened. Bloody Diaper. It was after Christmas and we had family with us. I called his doctor and they told us to either go to CHOP or Lehigh Children's. City Driving is about my least favorite thing so we went to Lehigh Valley instead.

After a traumatizing ER wait (That's a different story for a different day) we have two different doctors FIGHTING in front of us about what was causing the bleeding. They eventually send us home with no real answers. One doctor strongly believed that it probably just a Diary Allergy and advised me to stop formula and cut dairy from my diet completely... or buy this very fancy very expensive dairy-free and soy-free formula called Nutramigen.


Well...I can tell you. This was the turning point. I dropped Breastfeeding and pumping and we started him on Nutramigen (which warning...smells like hot garbage). Holy life change. He started only waking once at night. He wasnt pooping/puking like before. I was actually happy and enjoying feedings. My PPD faded away and I finally was the Mom I wanted to be.

Praise to you Nutramigen and Zantac!

Home with a Newborn- Breastfeeding, PPD, and Maternity leave

For many, the newborn phase is their favorite. Tons of snuggles, sleeping every two hours, lots of 1 on 1 time, cries are still sweet and tiny, etc. For other this can be the most trying time. I can tell you that I was suffering. Suffering big time. I felt very unprepared for the healing and the changes in my life and my body. I was unprepared for the constant fear that the baby wasn't being cared for properly (made much worse when I struggled with  breastfeeding and he had Jandice). I felt alone and scared mostly.



I should preface this topic with the disclaimer: I had PPD (Post Pardum Depression) and I waited entirely too long to talk about it and get some help for it. So everything I experienced was clouded by these feelings that I was a bad mother. With that disclaimer lets break it down.

Breastfeeding:
Boy oh Boy. This may be the biggest challenge I have ever faced. My tiny little baby had a hard time latching and I had a hard time producing. So the hospital had me pump. Pump after every feed and then feed what I pumped - repeat forever. This meant that if he needed to eat every two hours I would spend 30 minutes breastfeeding, then 30 minutes pumping, then 30 minutes pace bottle feeding. That's an 1 and a half. All I did for weeks was worry, pump, and worry, cry and then mix my breast milk with formula. I did end up combo feeding which was a blessing and I was able to do that for 3 months until we found out that he had a dairy allergy. Then we switched to Nutramigen which is daily free and smells like hot garbage. He drank it anyway but unfortunately he had terrible reflux.  Around 8 months this eased and he puked less and slept more.



Maternity Leave:
Turns out, I am not stay-at-home-mom material. About half way through my leave I was ready to come back at least part time. I even asked if I could or if I could work from home a bit. They said no which was probably best for everyone but boy did I need to get out of my house and think about something other than diapers. The days and nights all run together because you are up every few hours. Simple things like eating and showering are difficult. I am glad I had the time 1 on 1 with my son but they were some of my most difficult days. I truly believe I became a better mother when I went back to work.

The First 3 Days: Hospital Hell

There are many things about being a mom that I was unprepared for. There were many things I was simply wrong about. But one thing that I certainly didn't think about or anticipate was how incredibly awful those 3 days in the hospital would be.

I read the blogs and downloaded the packing lists. I researched what items the hospital had so I wouldn't over pack. I selected the perfect gender neutral "coming home" outfit for baby. What I forgot was that I would have an internal wound about the size of a paper plate. I forgot that newborns need to eat every 2 hours. I forgot that in order to breastfeed you need to be in a constant state of undress.

So let me start by providing you with a REAL packing list and some info behind each item. (This list is assuming you are going to attempt breastfeeding....I know that's a terrible assumption to make but it was my experience so it's what I have to go from)


Packing List (Incomplete but helpful):
1) Your favorite pillow and blanket
 Hospital beds, pillows, sheets, blankets, etc are terrible. Next time I'm bringing pillows AND blankets.

2) Bathrobe
Forget real cloths. If you are considering breastfeeding your boobs will be out 24/7. You wont want a bra or really anything in the way.

3) Slipper Socks
My feet were cold and swollen. I didn't want to put on shoes to walk to the bathroom.

4) Ipad/chargers (EXTRA long cords)
$13/day for TV in your room. My TV was 10 inches and got about 15 channels. Did you know that Ozzy and his son had a show on the History Channel? Yup that's what I paid $13 to learn. So bring your own device and get some extra long cords. The plugs were very far from the bed so I had to get up to plug in my phone. Getting up with stitches in your lady bits is just about the worst.

5) Mesh Undies
This is one of those items that the hospital will give you but many people love them thus they try to take home as many as they can. As a result they had me on mesh undie rations. They sell them on Amazon. Next time I'm bringing extra.

6) Nursing Dresses
Think comfy and flowing. Forget pants....ok maybe sweatpants....extra baggy. I didnt want to just wear a robe with visitors but "real cloths" were not happening.

7) Hairbrush and ties
I looked like crap most days even with access to the shower. I didn't blow dry my hair so it was a free-for-all.

8) Dry shampoo and your favorite soaps, shampoos, etc
Again, I looked like I was hit by a bus most days but that was partly because I was using hospital shampoo. I didnt want to over pack and I knew they had these things. Dont be like me.

9) Receiving blankets, onsies, and hats
The hospital will have these things but there is just something nice about bringing your own. First of all they are waaaaaay cuter and second my stuff was softer.

10) SNACKS and a BIG water bottle
Holy hunger. Hospital food is actually not bad but my hospital cafeteria had terrible hours and I wanted to snack pretty much all day and night.

11) My Brest Friend
Again, if you are nursing you will be doing so AT LEAST every 2 hours. On top of that I was pumping in between. I highly recommend this fancy pillow with its lumbar back support. Great for snuggles and your tired body.

12) Hand held fan
HOT FLASHES.

13) Towels
See number 1. Hospital towels are a nightmare. Use for your first shower and then switch to your towel from home.


Things to leave at home:
1) Your Husband/Wife/Partner/Etc
Some Hospitals are not very welcoming to your other half. Let them go home and sleep in their own beds. You will need them to be well rested when you escape the nightmare that is the hospital.

2) Cute outfits (for you and baby)
Just don't. Even our "going home outfit" was a bust because he needed preemie sizes. I tried so hard and I put on one outfit and immediately took it off after the visitors left because it was soooo uncomfortable. Bring going home outfits if it's important to you but don't panic if it doesn't go as planned.

3) Leggings (ouch)
I bought these cute nursing tops and soft maternity leggings. Everything hurts. I dont know what I was thinking but tight clothing is a big old NO. Get a super relaxed nursing bra and stick with comfort.

4) Breast pump
The hospital pump is better than yours anyway. I didn't even take mine out of the bag.

5) Your Dignity
Just when you think the most embarrassing parts are over...a nurse will help you shower...and go to the bathroom...and whip your boobs out to check latch....yup leave the dignity at the door.

Ok So a little backstory for my Hospital stay:

1)  I did not have a good experience at my hospital. My Hospital received government funding through their "Breast is Best" initiatives. No they do not call it that but it is what they practice and preach. Although I disagree with this particular agenda, I didn't think it would become an issue because I did intend to breastfeed if I could. Well, it became an issue. I almost wish I had said "I intend to combo feed" so that these nurses and lactation consultants would have maybe treated me like a human instead of a dairy cow. It was so invasive and so stressful. Day 1 as a new mom and I felt like a failure. So ... maybe check into that before selecting your Hospital.

2) Numerous shift changes makes it impossible to connect with any of the staff, doctors, etc. The only person I saw more than once was the NICU doctor from CHOP. (Oh and one evil lactation consultant but I'm trying to block that out)

3) As stated above my hospital was not "Partner Friendly". They wanted them gone and you could feel it in every conversation, in every look, and every printed sign posted around the room.

4) My Hospital has STUNNING birthing rooms which the proudly display on their tours. It has hellishly outdated maternity rooms. Things were missing and broken. The light turned on by itself one night (AT 3AM) and we couldn't turn it off. They had to call someone who came around 4AM and he had to REMOVE the light. It was directly over my bed.

5) No where to go. We were discouraged from leaving the room. This gross room with terrible TV and a broken AC unit. Oh did I forget to tell you the AC was broken?

6) Rooming in. Ok I know this one is a bit controversial because there is good science behind why "Rooming in" (Which means that the baby stays with you instead of going to the nursery) is a good thing. HOWEVER; this meant that if I wanted to SHOWER or GO TO THE BATHROOM I had to call a nurse. On my last night there I was failing miserably at breastfeeding so I was pumping after every feed. This meant that I had maybe 30 minutes to sleep at a time. So I asked a nurse if she could take the baby to the nursery for a while so I could close my eyes. Now listen, I realize that's real life. When you get home there is no one there to help you. You cant just send your baby away for an hour. But in that moment I just needed an hour of not freaking out and she made me feel like a complete failure.

So although my doctor (OB) was great and my birth experience was good, my stay afterwards was a nightmare. I truly do not know if I will go back to the hospital again. I will certainly research alternatives. If nothing else, I will be sure to speak my mind and turn away all offers to assist me with breastfeeding. I am even looking into hiring a midwife next time mostly to advocate for me. No one should feel bullied by their hospital and that was how I felt with in hours after he was born.

So that is everything I wish I had know about my 3 days in pure hospital hell.

Archer's Birth Story - Part 3

ANNNNND we are back!

You know in the movies when you see women just screaming and screaming and then finally with one hearty push a baby just shoots out? Although true for some, that was not what happened to me. So gather around once more for a health dose of oversharing....

So I have assumed the birthing position. My sister is planted at the top of the bed and petting my head during the "rests" in between contractions. My Husband is straight up CHATTING with the nurse like it's just a lazy Sunday. So I kick him. But all that melts away when the nurses says "Here comes the head". I am instantly equal parts relieved to have made it to this ::cough cough:: crowning achievement (Pun intended) and also terrified that this baby has not shot out like a nerf gun.

So as I rest between pushed, I look to my husband for some motivation but he is looking down and exclaims....... "Oh Shit". So! I look up at my sister so she can reassure me that I'm not cracking open like an egg but she is no longer in the safe-zone. She too wants to know what "Oh Shit" looks like and has moved down for a front row seat.

Now friends, I do have a regret. I was offered a mirror so that I could watch what all this "Oh Shit" business was about and I declined. I now kind of wish that I hadn't. I've read a few articles that say that using a mirror can actually help with labor progression so that moms can see which pushes are successful and which are not. But mostly its because after the top of his little head came into view I don't remember too much other than the disappointing sighs from my family as baby got sucked back up after every push. Yes, little dude was STUCK.

So this was the part that got kind of scary. Time seemed to stop. At some point little dude got a monitor stuck to the top of his head to ensure that he wasn't in distress. So after a we got into a rhythm of pushing and breathing the nurses told me I could "rest for a few" Um what? No. I don't think so... I got more and more frustrated and desperate with each push until BAM, with complete disregard for the female anatomy, out he came.

He was pronounced a boy and ushered away for a check up. Little man was SUPER blue which I later found out terrified my sister. This is also why he saw the doctors before I held him. So while they were checking him out I had to deal with the dreaded ...after birth. I wont go full detail but it is painful and it is gross. Husband was white as a ghost and they asked if he needed to sit down. After that I had the pleasure of getting so many stitches that I required additional numbing (even though I had a crappy Epidural). After realizing it was taking a really long time I asked "How many are you putting in there?!?" as I look to my sister for assurance that I wasn't going to need rounds of reconstructive surgery.

During this time the NICU doctor checked on my little boy and the nurses proclaimed that he had "incredibly long toes" while holding him up so I could see. He was bundled up, I was cleaned up, and my mom and the family waiting outside the room join us. He had his first meal (yes with all those dang people in there) and I facetimed my Dad because he was away on a Business trip. Then the nurses took him for some additional testing while we moved into a recovery room.


So that is his Birth Story. The following 3 days in the hospital were absolute torture. Worse than the birth itself in many ways but that is another story for another entry.

Welcome to the World Archer-Man :)