The First 3 Days: Hospital Hell

There are many things about being a mom that I was unprepared for. There were many things I was simply wrong about. But one thing that I certainly didn't think about or anticipate was how incredibly awful those 3 days in the hospital would be.

I read the blogs and downloaded the packing lists. I researched what items the hospital had so I wouldn't over pack. I selected the perfect gender neutral "coming home" outfit for baby. What I forgot was that I would have an internal wound about the size of a paper plate. I forgot that newborns need to eat every 2 hours. I forgot that in order to breastfeed you need to be in a constant state of undress.

So let me start by providing you with a REAL packing list and some info behind each item. (This list is assuming you are going to attempt breastfeeding....I know that's a terrible assumption to make but it was my experience so it's what I have to go from)


Packing List (Incomplete but helpful):
1) Your favorite pillow and blanket
 Hospital beds, pillows, sheets, blankets, etc are terrible. Next time I'm bringing pillows AND blankets.

2) Bathrobe
Forget real cloths. If you are considering breastfeeding your boobs will be out 24/7. You wont want a bra or really anything in the way.

3) Slipper Socks
My feet were cold and swollen. I didn't want to put on shoes to walk to the bathroom.

4) Ipad/chargers (EXTRA long cords)
$13/day for TV in your room. My TV was 10 inches and got about 15 channels. Did you know that Ozzy and his son had a show on the History Channel? Yup that's what I paid $13 to learn. So bring your own device and get some extra long cords. The plugs were very far from the bed so I had to get up to plug in my phone. Getting up with stitches in your lady bits is just about the worst.

5) Mesh Undies
This is one of those items that the hospital will give you but many people love them thus they try to take home as many as they can. As a result they had me on mesh undie rations. They sell them on Amazon. Next time I'm bringing extra.

6) Nursing Dresses
Think comfy and flowing. Forget pants....ok maybe sweatpants....extra baggy. I didnt want to just wear a robe with visitors but "real cloths" were not happening.

7) Hairbrush and ties
I looked like crap most days even with access to the shower. I didn't blow dry my hair so it was a free-for-all.

8) Dry shampoo and your favorite soaps, shampoos, etc
Again, I looked like I was hit by a bus most days but that was partly because I was using hospital shampoo. I didnt want to over pack and I knew they had these things. Dont be like me.

9) Receiving blankets, onsies, and hats
The hospital will have these things but there is just something nice about bringing your own. First of all they are waaaaaay cuter and second my stuff was softer.

10) SNACKS and a BIG water bottle
Holy hunger. Hospital food is actually not bad but my hospital cafeteria had terrible hours and I wanted to snack pretty much all day and night.

11) My Brest Friend
Again, if you are nursing you will be doing so AT LEAST every 2 hours. On top of that I was pumping in between. I highly recommend this fancy pillow with its lumbar back support. Great for snuggles and your tired body.

12) Hand held fan
HOT FLASHES.

13) Towels
See number 1. Hospital towels are a nightmare. Use for your first shower and then switch to your towel from home.


Things to leave at home:
1) Your Husband/Wife/Partner/Etc
Some Hospitals are not very welcoming to your other half. Let them go home and sleep in their own beds. You will need them to be well rested when you escape the nightmare that is the hospital.

2) Cute outfits (for you and baby)
Just don't. Even our "going home outfit" was a bust because he needed preemie sizes. I tried so hard and I put on one outfit and immediately took it off after the visitors left because it was soooo uncomfortable. Bring going home outfits if it's important to you but don't panic if it doesn't go as planned.

3) Leggings (ouch)
I bought these cute nursing tops and soft maternity leggings. Everything hurts. I dont know what I was thinking but tight clothing is a big old NO. Get a super relaxed nursing bra and stick with comfort.

4) Breast pump
The hospital pump is better than yours anyway. I didn't even take mine out of the bag.

5) Your Dignity
Just when you think the most embarrassing parts are over...a nurse will help you shower...and go to the bathroom...and whip your boobs out to check latch....yup leave the dignity at the door.

Ok So a little backstory for my Hospital stay:

1)  I did not have a good experience at my hospital. My Hospital received government funding through their "Breast is Best" initiatives. No they do not call it that but it is what they practice and preach. Although I disagree with this particular agenda, I didn't think it would become an issue because I did intend to breastfeed if I could. Well, it became an issue. I almost wish I had said "I intend to combo feed" so that these nurses and lactation consultants would have maybe treated me like a human instead of a dairy cow. It was so invasive and so stressful. Day 1 as a new mom and I felt like a failure. So ... maybe check into that before selecting your Hospital.

2) Numerous shift changes makes it impossible to connect with any of the staff, doctors, etc. The only person I saw more than once was the NICU doctor from CHOP. (Oh and one evil lactation consultant but I'm trying to block that out)

3) As stated above my hospital was not "Partner Friendly". They wanted them gone and you could feel it in every conversation, in every look, and every printed sign posted around the room.

4) My Hospital has STUNNING birthing rooms which the proudly display on their tours. It has hellishly outdated maternity rooms. Things were missing and broken. The light turned on by itself one night (AT 3AM) and we couldn't turn it off. They had to call someone who came around 4AM and he had to REMOVE the light. It was directly over my bed.

5) No where to go. We were discouraged from leaving the room. This gross room with terrible TV and a broken AC unit. Oh did I forget to tell you the AC was broken?

6) Rooming in. Ok I know this one is a bit controversial because there is good science behind why "Rooming in" (Which means that the baby stays with you instead of going to the nursery) is a good thing. HOWEVER; this meant that if I wanted to SHOWER or GO TO THE BATHROOM I had to call a nurse. On my last night there I was failing miserably at breastfeeding so I was pumping after every feed. This meant that I had maybe 30 minutes to sleep at a time. So I asked a nurse if she could take the baby to the nursery for a while so I could close my eyes. Now listen, I realize that's real life. When you get home there is no one there to help you. You cant just send your baby away for an hour. But in that moment I just needed an hour of not freaking out and she made me feel like a complete failure.

So although my doctor (OB) was great and my birth experience was good, my stay afterwards was a nightmare. I truly do not know if I will go back to the hospital again. I will certainly research alternatives. If nothing else, I will be sure to speak my mind and turn away all offers to assist me with breastfeeding. I am even looking into hiring a midwife next time mostly to advocate for me. No one should feel bullied by their hospital and that was how I felt with in hours after he was born.

So that is everything I wish I had know about my 3 days in pure hospital hell.

Archer's Birth Story - Part 3

ANNNNND we are back!

You know in the movies when you see women just screaming and screaming and then finally with one hearty push a baby just shoots out? Although true for some, that was not what happened to me. So gather around once more for a health dose of oversharing....

So I have assumed the birthing position. My sister is planted at the top of the bed and petting my head during the "rests" in between contractions. My Husband is straight up CHATTING with the nurse like it's just a lazy Sunday. So I kick him. But all that melts away when the nurses says "Here comes the head". I am instantly equal parts relieved to have made it to this ::cough cough:: crowning achievement (Pun intended) and also terrified that this baby has not shot out like a nerf gun.

So as I rest between pushed, I look to my husband for some motivation but he is looking down and exclaims....... "Oh Shit". So! I look up at my sister so she can reassure me that I'm not cracking open like an egg but she is no longer in the safe-zone. She too wants to know what "Oh Shit" looks like and has moved down for a front row seat.

Now friends, I do have a regret. I was offered a mirror so that I could watch what all this "Oh Shit" business was about and I declined. I now kind of wish that I hadn't. I've read a few articles that say that using a mirror can actually help with labor progression so that moms can see which pushes are successful and which are not. But mostly its because after the top of his little head came into view I don't remember too much other than the disappointing sighs from my family as baby got sucked back up after every push. Yes, little dude was STUCK.

So this was the part that got kind of scary. Time seemed to stop. At some point little dude got a monitor stuck to the top of his head to ensure that he wasn't in distress. So after a we got into a rhythm of pushing and breathing the nurses told me I could "rest for a few" Um what? No. I don't think so... I got more and more frustrated and desperate with each push until BAM, with complete disregard for the female anatomy, out he came.

He was pronounced a boy and ushered away for a check up. Little man was SUPER blue which I later found out terrified my sister. This is also why he saw the doctors before I held him. So while they were checking him out I had to deal with the dreaded ...after birth. I wont go full detail but it is painful and it is gross. Husband was white as a ghost and they asked if he needed to sit down. After that I had the pleasure of getting so many stitches that I required additional numbing (even though I had a crappy Epidural). After realizing it was taking a really long time I asked "How many are you putting in there?!?" as I look to my sister for assurance that I wasn't going to need rounds of reconstructive surgery.

During this time the NICU doctor checked on my little boy and the nurses proclaimed that he had "incredibly long toes" while holding him up so I could see. He was bundled up, I was cleaned up, and my mom and the family waiting outside the room join us. He had his first meal (yes with all those dang people in there) and I facetimed my Dad because he was away on a Business trip. Then the nurses took him for some additional testing while we moved into a recovery room.


So that is his Birth Story. The following 3 days in the hospital were absolute torture. Worse than the birth itself in many ways but that is another story for another entry.

Welcome to the World Archer-Man :)

Archer's Birth Story - Part 2

So I realize that Archer is now 2 and I left everyone wondering what the heck happened after Part 1 of his Birth story. Perhaps you thought that I was still recovering, maybe I simply blocked it out,  or maybe I had to keep a baby alive so my life was no longer my own. These assumption are all anchored in truth to be sure.

A weird thing happens on your child's Birthday. You find yourself recanting the story to your friends and family. Some get all the gruesome details and others just funny little comments like "This time two years ago I was having a needle jammed into my spine." You know how you reminisce? Anyway Archer's 2nd Birthday inspired me to finish his official Birth Story and to maybe go back to taking a little time away to crack myself up picking out memes for this silly little blog.

 

Ok! So I left you right when the Doctor told me that I'd be having a baby right around Dinner time... Was I ready? No. Was I terrified? Yes. Did I call my mom and try not to cry? You bet.

So after the doctor tells me that I will be moving into a Birthing room ....A BIRTHING ROOM....friends, I didn't know I was having contractions and I am being transferred to A BIRTHING ROOM. Then they ask me if I want an epidural before they break the rest of my water. Like WHAT?! This is all happening so fast....

Oh right. PAUSE. You have been warned. I am going full detail here. If that makes you uncomfortable....I get it...LOOK AWAY. 

So why the Birthing room right away? Since I could not pinpoint when my water started leaking...I think probably Friday....they needed to induce labor to get things moving for the safety of the baby. I was 4cm when they moved me to the Birthing Room. The waters protect the baby not just from banging around inside your body but also from infection and bacteria. Due to these risks they want to minimize the time-frame and start me on antibiotics. So I was hooked up to an IV and stuck in that bed for the duration.

I am then wrapped in several adult diapers and the doctor appears with what looks like a crochet hook. Friends- I must tell you that the movies got this part right. Once they broke my water I was stunned by how much fluid was in there. I can not imagine if that had happened in public or even in my home...that would absolutely DESTROY a car seat.

So... why would they want to give me an epidural so soon after arriving and before they even broke my waters? Because induction is no joke and apparently not all anesthesiologists are created equal. (FORESHADOWING)

So now the bags are brought in from the car, I am all settled into my room, mom and dad are updated, and my sister should be arriving in a few hours to help coach. No rush right? WRONG

So I was officially moved to the Birthing Room at about 10, they broke my water, and by noon I am really feeling those contractions. (Thanks petocine!) I've made it to 6cm and I am stuck in the bed with an IV. I am starting to get uncomfortable and my sister should be arriving around 2. Around 1pm I cave and ask for an Epidural.

I was never delusional about my pain tolerance. I am what you might call....a big ol wimp. I always knew an epidural was in my future. What I did not know is that it would hands-down be the worst part of this experience. So after this MONSTER arrived to stick a needle in my back .... you know what no... let me break this down ....

This dude (That's right Doctor...you've been demoted to "dude') entered the room and doesn’t even talk to me. He asked the nurse “ has she watched the video?”. I answer him, “no, but I took the birthing class here and signed the waiver already”. He looks at the nurse like she betrayed him. He brings me another waiver and has me sign again while telling me what I will need to do. So I pull myself up and wrap my whole body around my terrified husband who is armed with a tarp. This MONSTER ( did I mention he’s a monster?) Tried THREE TIMES while I was screaming in pain and trying to tell him which side I was feeling it on before declaring that I shouldn’t have been induced because my contractions are too close together. He cuts the petocine and COMPLETELY STARTS OVER. By this time my sister is waiting to be let it and I am a shell of a human with snot pouring down my face while nurses are rubbing cool cloths over my face.

He finally decides that this fourth time higher up on my back is good enough and I finally get some relief....sort of. My sister is let in just in time for my stomach to start rolling. Turns out I do not respond well to paid medication. They give me something to keep my breakfast where it is and I get a chance to chat and order some last minute items on Amazon.

So we are chatting about names and making a list of all the things at the house that aren't ready and somehow I magically jump from  6cm to 10cm in a VERY short period of time. So short that I refuse to hit the call button. Sidenote: only one side of my body was affected by the Epidural so I was really starting to wiggle and I just wanted to walk around. At this time my sister is reaching over my wiggling form to push the call button because I refused to be a huge wimp.

With a great eye roll the nurse agrees to check me when I tell her I feel like I might be ready to push. She then says very calmly "I'll just get the doctor". As she is turning the corner she SPRINTS. My sister turns to us and whispers "oh my god, she just RAN."

A few seconds later my lovely OB SLAMS down on a stool which rolls half way across the room while pulling booties on over her shoes.

and then....Terror hits me. I have forgotten everything I learned in my birthing class. They send my sister to stand by my head as not to scar her for the rest of her life and my husband is told to grab a leg. A nurse wrestles with the other.

Sure enough, it is time to push push push...More to come in PART 3!