Looking for a Rainbow: You Win Some; You Lose Some

So this month is just crazy (and I am not just talking about the hormones!). Another baby born to a friend, another pregnancy announced, I was asked to be a Godmother and ecstatically agreed, and I even made a trip to Babies R Us! Tomorrow I am going to a 1-year-olds birthday party, which I am really looking forward to. (Come on, everyone loves babies...and this one is extra special)

So with all of these joys (and a few other reasons...more on that later), I think that a big part of me really thought that this was going to be the month that our rainbow came.

"Rainbows" are what people call the babies you have after a miscarriage. It's a pretty nice analogy... a rainbow comes after a storm. That's a cliche I can get behind. Plus, bonus, I find Judy Garland's voice to be pretty soothing, so in general I like the phrase.

Some people do it right....

...and some do not...

So it's a fine line. I defiantly wouldn't call a rainbow baby a "rainbow baby" if the parents haven't said it first. It's kind of like calling a kid by a nickname...you better make sure Mom and Dad are cool with it. (Never call a Richard, Dick until they introduce themselves that way....yah. Just trust me.)

Anyway things were very promising this month. I would have been due in July which is terrible timing both professionally and personally. It's my peak season for work and we are going to a family wedding on the other side of the country. I am also off to Disney in a few weeks which would limit my fun a bit. So basically, since the timing would be awful I figured...with my luck...good chance right? 

Well luckily....(unluckily?)... we did not have success this cycle. I am pretty ok with that given all of the trouble it would cause. 

But on to the good news! We have confirmed ovulation! YAY! Way to go fertility monitor you were on the money.

So these are my results from my CD21 (cycle day 21) progesterone test. Anything above 10 confirms ovulation. If you remember way back when, my levels were less than 1...so it's kind of a big deal :) Now the cycle that I found out I was pregnant my numbers were in the 20s. Progesterone levels rise after implantation (when the egg burrows into the uterine lining) so a high progesterone level is a good sign. My doctor is a firm believer that these numbers are a good indicator for pregnancy. Lucky for me, she likes to call me with the results and casts her predictions. 

(Quick happy dance for a great doc and confirmed ovulation!)

Now if you are cruising around the web googling progesterone levels ( shush some people do it! ::cough cough:: me) you are going to get a million different answers. We are all gentle snowflakes remember? Just go on what your doctor says. Some believe medicated cycles, like mine, should already be in the 20s...I say....

I have a pregnancy in my medical history, so my doctor knows much more about my levels than the internet ever will....well maybe until now....since I just told everyone....hummmm..

Anyway, It was nice hearing her say that the month wasnt successful. WHAT?! WHY, you ask? Because I did take a HPT and it was super negative. I thought maybe I just tested to early and that I'd have to wait a few more days and test again, but then the doctor called. Nothing sucks more than false-hope so it was nice that I knew early. Now I can even enjoy a glass of wine or even better....a Venti Latte...FULLY CAFFEINATED.

I am so very tired of decaf coffee.

So, long story short, I have lots of mixed emotions this month. Sure I am disappointed, but I also know that in the long run it's better. I mean come on! I'm going to DISNEY WORLD for crying out loud. What's a trip to Disney without Space Mountain? Plus we all know I live my life by Disney wisdom. And what is more fitting than this....

....See you next time friends!

Oct 15th is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day and More!

If you are a fan of social media, chances are you've seen this image in the last few days. If you know someone who has suffered a loss, it is a great time to reach out to remind them that someone cares. 

October is a big month in the "infertility community". Lot's of people hold remembrances or attend awareness walks. I am not a fan of big public displays, so a simple post seems sufficient enough. 

October is also my first month "officially" back on my treatment plan. This plan involves medication and careful tracking. 

Ive had some questions about the fertility monitor I use, so below are examples from this month.

This is a day 8 reading on my monitor showing that I was in a "high fertility" window. Day 8 means I am 8 days from the first day in the cycle (pretty self explanatory). The monitor does not check your levels everyday (that would be a huge waste of expensive sticks). Instead it zeros in on your fertility window. The more you use the monitor the more accurate these readings become. For me, the monitor prompts my first test on the 7th or 8th day. This month it prompted me to start on day 6 since it was my fist month back to using it. The first two tests came back as "low" or just the first bar filled. The fertile window begins in bar 2 and starts about 5-6 days before ovulation. (Remember sperm can live up to 5 days!)

I stayed in the fertile window until day 13 when I got this beauty....

This is a positive ovulation reading. (see the little egg? isn't it cute?) Now sometimes I will get a solid third box which mean levels are rising but there wasn't a big jump which would normally indicate ovulation. Basically, this is the reading you are after. In fact, once you get this result the monitor stops tracking you until the next month and requires no more tests. Once you get your little egg you have between 12-24 hours to ovulate. They do recommend using a 12-36 hour window so they will give you another high reading the very next day, just to be safe. 

So this is good news! It is very likely that I ovulated the month. The timing is right, the readings are on par, and it's actually showing that I ovulated a day earlier than is the norm. (Normal 28 day cycle ovulates on the 14th day...give or take a few days in either direction). Of course, this is not fool proof and cycles are a bit like snow flakes. 

Let it gooooo, Let it goooooo

Cheeky little Snow Queen. Anyway, since these monitors aren't fool-proof and we are all like precious little snowflakes, a 21 day progesterone test was order to confirm ovulation. Now my last tests came back with progesterone levels so high that the doctor thinks it may have been a lab error. (They were higher than someone pregnant with twins...YIKES) Looks like someone forgot the importance of decimal points. So between the last weird result and the clomid, a test is needed on the 21st day of your cycle to confirm ovulation. If ovulation can not be confirmed the dosage of clomid may be adjusted. Higher dosages come with higher risks and harsher side-effects so the goal is to trigger ovulation with the smallest dosage.

If the test comes back positive for ovulation, I will wait a few days and then test with an HPT. If it comes back negative, I stop for a bottle of wine and refill my prescription for next month. Just like baking a delicious cake, you need eggs to make it happen.

Fingers crossed, let's see what happens!